Open Letter to my Mom

I know that I tried your patience growing up.  You had three daughters, and as your middle child, I didn't always make your life easy.  In honor of Mother's Day, 30 years after my birth, I wanted to apologize for a few things.  I'm a mother now, and it's time to admit that I wasn't the perfect child.

I'm sorry for telling you that I hated you when you wouldn't let me get gummy bears that one time when I was six.  I've never said "I hate you" before or since, but I remember how you cried in the car afterward.  I still feel guilty about it.  I hope you know that it wasn't true - I just temporarily allowed my addiction to gummy bears to take over.  I promise it will never happen again.

I'm sorry for ditching school and then lying about it.  I thought I could get away with it - and, you know, teenager.  Oops.  I know I was frustrating and wasted my potential.  As a mom, I know I'd FLIP if I found out either or my kids skipped class... but you were patient and graceful about it, giving me support and taking the time to ask me WHY I did it - not just yelling at me about it.

My "give and take" was more of a "take and take" as a kid.  I demanded a lot, even at times when I knew you and dad couldn't afford it.  I'm sorry if I made you feel like you didn't do a good job providing for us - you were and are an amazing mom... and you gave me SO much.

I'm sorry for making fun of your "on the farm" stories.  Yes, you were raised on a chicken farm... and that still sounds kind of funny and I giggle about it - but your childhood wasn't an easy one.  You learned about hard work and sacrifice from a very young age.  You should never have been the butt of any jokes because of it.

I'm sorry for dropping out of college.  You worked so hard to get through school as a working parent and you tried to teach us by example - but I didn't learn.  Now that I've earned a degree, and did it as a working parent, I can only imagine how disappointing it was to see me drop out of school after only a single semester.

I'm sorry for not listening to you.  You give great advice... and I've ignored the majority of it.  You are amazingly intelligent and I'm sure I made you think you were stupid on many occasions with my "I know better" attitude.  You have led such an amazing life and you deserve all the praise in the world.

I'm sorry for making you feel like I love dad more.  Yes, I'm a daddy's girl - and I've always admitted that.  When my first child was born, he was there - and you weren't.  I know why... you thought dad's presence would mean more to me than yours... and that's really sad.  I love you just as much as I love dad - it's just a different love.  The love between a mother and daughter is special - so please don't think that you aren't just as special and precious to me as dad is.

But most of all, I'm sorry for not appreciating you like I should have.  You're a truly wonderful mom - many people don't get to have a mom at all, let alone one as amazing as you.  I'm sorry for not seeing how giving and loving you were and are - you deserved a lot more "thank you's" and "I love you's" than I gave.  Know that you deserved them all, and I'll spend the next several decades attempting to make them up to you.