It's been several weeks now since my family made a 300 mile move from coastal Southern California to the desert-like Central Valley of California... these 300 miles have taken my family to an entirely different climate, in a city with a very different community than the one we left behind.
Parents can have a million different reasons for relocating their families (mine was for work) but the one consistent challenge is how to make the relocation comfortable for their kids. Some kids love the idea of going to a new place and meeting new people - others, typically those in school, don't want to leave their friends behind and are afraid of what going to a new place might mean.
So what can we do?
Don't hide the relocation from your child. It might be tempting to leave the news of a big move hidden until the last minute so that your child doesn't worry about it... But I'm of the opinion that it might actually hurt to do that more than help. Communicate with your child and let them know what's going on - this gives them time to ask you questions, say goodbye to friends, and (perhaps most importantly) they can feel involved in the process of moving with you - not excluded.
I believe in empowering children - I also don't think kids are unaware of change. Your child will realize something's going on, so just be honest with them. It was such a relief to tell my son that we were moving - I had been stressing about it from the minute I accepted my new position, and he actually took the news A LOT better than I thought he would.
Get your child involved. House hunting was a bit of an issue when having to do it from 300 miles away, so we had to make what turned out to be several trips to pick a house and complete all that lovely paperwork that comes along with it. My husband and I had debated having only him travel to look at potential houses, given that I was pregnant and our son was in school, but in the end we decided to plan the trip during one of our son's school breaks and we went as a family. I can't tell you how much this helped our son!
He was able to walk through each house, decide where his room would be, tell us if he did or didn't like something, etc. He felt like his opinion really mattered - and it did. We also drove by the elementary schools near each house to show him what school he would go to if we moved there. He got to see the playgrounds, how far the school would be from our house, and he was able to tell us if he didn't get a good feeling from what he saw.
Here he is with our house!
Don't forget your family time. Moving is stressful whether you have zero kids or 10. Us parents are often running around like crazy people trying to pack in advance, help kids with homework, make bottles for baby, go to work, and eventually fit sleep into the schedule. It's HARD to move with kids.
But, especially with long distance moves, don't forget the value of quality time with your child. Moving is just as stressful on them as it is on you. They are leaving everything they know behind, just like you are! Let your child know that you understand their feelings, that this move will be wonderful in the end, and that you still have time to play games and be with them despite all of the change.
In the end, you're moving as a family - so still make time to be a strong family unit. Your family unit will be critical for ALL of you once you move - It will be the cornerstone for everyone's emotional well-being, so make time for it!
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