Why Gender Stereotypes Have No Place in Parenting

Today's post is on a topic that we might not agree on - but that's okay, right?  Today we're talking about "normal" and why I feel that the concept of "normal" simply doesn't exist.

My six year-old son's favorite color is purple.  I've had several people tell me that I should correct this "problem" ... Why?  Purple is a perfectly fine color - I personally have always floated more to the cooler end of the color spectrum myself, so I can also appreciate that purple is a lovely color - though my personal favorite is dark green... Wait, is that a "problem" too?

You see, purple is a GIRL color and green is a BOY color - so clearly my son and I are completely mixed up and are in need of swapping our favorite colors in order to fit into the "normal" and "good" classifications of color preferences... right?

Perhaps the above example seems silly, but it's something that I've fought against since the minute my son was born.  You see, I don't buy into gender stereotyping.  I think it's an antiquated idea that has no room in modern society.

I have this opinion because I was a tomboy - I loved climbing trees, playing soccer, and wearing jeans.  As a little girl, I hated dresses, couldn't stand the color pink, and never liked when boys got picked before me when playing sports because I was an athlete - not a "girl."

In raising my son, my husband and I made a conscious effort to allow him to like what he liked and not force our opinions on him.  The result?  A little boy that loves zombies, swimming, rough-housing, and video games... AND My Little Ponies, the color purple, and pink bubble bath.

What's the harm in a boy liking pink toys or watching Pixie Hollow movies?  It's probably the worry that the little boy will grow up to be gay, right?  What's the harm in a little girl that prefers legos and monster movies over Barbie and unicorns?  It's probably the worry that the little girl will grow up to be gay, right?

Firstly, that's a ridiculous idea - just because a boy likes pink does not mean he's gay.  Second, if he ended up gay, who cares?  As parents, we need to embrace our children's personal identity.  It's become such a controversial idea to simply LOVE our kids for who they are, if who they are doesn't fit into a "cookie cutter" definition of what society views as "normal."

As parents, can we just agree that there is NO such thing as normal?  Can we also agree that our children are not ourselves and they might grow into adults that choose to live a lifestyle that's a little different from ours, and that's still okay?  We moms and dads can only do our best - encourage your child to love others and be a productive member of society - whether they decide to do it wearing a pink or green shirt really doesn't matter.

Portpartum Survival Kit - Vaginal Birth

Let me start this post by saying that I am literally LIVING with this survival kit right now - I gave birth six days ago and the list of "goodies" below have saved me from a lot of discomfort.  Every woman is different and every delivery is different, so if you've found other ways to assist in the postpartum healing process, definitely let me know!

For an uncomplicated vaginal delivery, there's really not a whole lot that us ladies can do to limit some of the pain and discomfort - your uterus is contracting back to it's pre-baby size, your breasts are sore, and the pain "down there" is super uncomfortable.  One of the side-effects of an uncomplicated delivery is also that most doctor's won't prescribe you any super "cray cray" pain medications either (which I consider a GOOD thing).  So what can we do to help our bodies?  Here's my super short list of easy to find and super affordable "postpartum survival kit" goodies:

Breast Care

1. Nursing Sports Bra: I purchased several bras for nursing prior to delivery, but the two that I have on a constant wash/use cycle right now are my two nursing sports bras.  They are much more comfortable than the under-wire options I have, and they are easier to shove to the side for the super frequent feedings you'll have with your newborn.  I bought mine at Motherhood Maternity during a bra sale - if you have one of these stores (or one like it) in your area, ask them when their next sale will be and plan to buy in bulk before baby is born - My bras, sports and otherwise, averaged $10-$15 each - super cheap!
2. Nursing Pads: Your nipples WILL hurt.  You can try going without a bra, but you'll quickly find that the friction from your shirt hurts too much.  Putting a nursing pad inside of your bra will protect the bra from leakage and limit friction on your nipples.  These are available in cloth and disposable options - Cloth is a little harder to find, but the disposable ones are pretty much available anywhere that sells baby or maternity gear.  I opted to buy cloth ones (I'm a cloth mom, what can I say?) and use one pair each day, one pair overnight.  In total I bought 10 pairs for less than $5 each, but I'm sure that you can find cheaper options on EBay if you're super interested in cloth.  Disposable pads typically come in packs of 30-50 for less than $10.
3. Lanolin Cream: I use lanolin cream twice daily on my nipples to sooth the ache from having an infant that is still learning to latch properly.  This is a miracle cream!  It will keep your nipples from cracking, will calm pain, and it doesn't need to be washed off before breastfeeding, as it is completely safe for baby.  Depending on the brand, you can get lanolin for $10-$20 per tube.  I opted for Lansinoh because it is a truly "one ingredient" cream - check your cream's ingredients for additives!

Prescribed Medications

1. Stool Softener: My doctors for both of my pregnancies prescribed Colace (Docusate Sodium) as a stool softener following my vaginal births.  Because you are so sensitive, and many women have stitches to deal with, a stool softener helps to limit pain and pressure when you're "taking care of business."
2. Pain Medication: This will vary from woman to woman (allergies may also play a factor) and may also vary depending on your doctor.  I have had two unmedicated deliveries with mild to moderate tearing and I was given 600mg Motrin after both.  Talk with your doctor about your options - I preferred any option that would limit my intake of medication - some women don't really care and just want to be comfortable.  Be sure to educate yourself on your options. 

Care for "Down There"

1. Super Absorbency Feminine Pads: You'll be bleeding for several weeks following delivery - the first week, this flow is will likely mimic a heavy period.  I opted to get the largest pads I could find to cover this first few weeks because I didn't want to worry about staining on my clothing and I would also be using witch hazel pads (see below) so I wanted to get a pad that would absorb that liquid too.  You can get cloth pads if you like, though I've never been able to wrap my head around the idea of a reusable feminine hygiene product (I guess I just lost my "crunchy mom" card).  Disposable pads should be available at any drug or grocery store.
2. Witch Hazel Pads: Pre-moistened witch hazel pads act as a natural, cooling and relieving astringent during your first week(s) postpartum.  If you give birth in a hospital, this should be something that you get sent home with, but I found that the amount you get for free typically only lasts a day.  I wasn't able to find pre-moistened pads in any stores, so I bought witch hazel on it's own (this is available nearly everywhere - try CVS or stores like it) and large circular cotton pads (try your local store's makeup section for these - just do NOT get the exfoliating kind!).  Witch hazel and the cotton pads are only a few dollars each.
3. Peri Bottle: This is another freebie for hospital moms - if you don't give birth in a hospital, peri bottle's are actually kind of hard to find - but any drug store will have travel sized squeeze bottles, which work just as well.  You aren't able to wipe yourself down there at first (pleasant thought, I know), so you'll use the peri bottle to squeeze warm water to cleanse yourself. 
4. Anesthetic Spray: This is totally optional, but something I've totally bought into.  Some moms say they don't work, others swear by them.  I use the Dermoplast Pain Relieving Spray, which is simply a no-touch benzocaine spray.  Benzocaine is an over the counter topical pain reliever that has no proven negative impact on the environment and is considered safe for use by most women - there is the potential to be allergic to it though, so talk to your doctor before use.

Have anything to add?  

I'd love to hear what worked for you during your recovery from a vaginal delivery!  Every woman is different, so I'd love to hear your thoughts.  If there's a desire for it, I can also write a post on C-Section recovery - just let me know if you'd like to see that.

Safe Cosmetics Brand Review: philosophy

About the Brand

By now, you've probably heard of philosophy - they are a super trendy brand of "inspirational beauty" beauty products with super cute packaging and wide range of variety in offerings - we're talking everything from lip balm to shampoo to moisturizers to shower gels and everything in between.  On their website you'll read that their "promise is to deliver remarkable products that inspire you to live a better life by being better to yourself."

They also discuss the "science" of their products (which is what I'm mostly interested in). Their website states that "philosophy skin care offers revolutionary ingredients, breakthrough formulas and advanced technology. It is designed to not only deliver dramatic results but to enhance the integrity of your skin." 

That sounds awesome! Seems, to the casual observer, that this brand should be a healthy mix of products that should promote healthy skin and hair.  On a side note: From a "frugal" perspective, this is NOT a budget brand and many of their products are very, very pricy... But is it a "safe" brand that's worth the price?

Safe or Not?

First and foremost, it should be said that philosophy does NOT advertise themselves as an all-natural brand, so it wouldn't be right to not address that before moving on.  As a result, they have a combination of both "safe" and "not" products on the market - you just need to do your research to figure out what to avoid.  They are a brand that follows the newer trends in chemical formulas for quick results and "high quality" fragrances.

With that said, many of philosophy's products are NOT "safe" - The amount of fragrances alone make the vast majority of their products an issue from, if nothing else, an allergen perspective.  Since their brand is so diverse, let's take a look at few of their products:

The Good

Keep The Peace Protective Color Corrector: This product is advertised to camouflage redness, smooth the appearance of fine lines, pores and uneven texture and it leaves behind a smooth, satin finish.  It's also a relativity "safe" product, with only one ingredient of note - Phenocyethanol can cause toxicity issues, is an eye irritant, and a known allergen.  If you actually read the ingredients label on this one, it's all chemicals, but generally those considered safe for use... but this product also costs $32 here in the US, so I'd recommend shopping around for a more natural and less expensive color corrector.

Just Release Me Eye Makeup Remover: I really like this one - among the "affordable" members of philosophy's makeup line, this product is advertised as an "oil-free eye makeup remover that gently yet effectively breaks down and removes the toughest eye makeup, even waterproof makeup, without irritating eyes."  As with the previous product, there is really only one ingredient that causes alarm - Benzalkonium Chloride.  This is a preservative that can cause allergies and severe skin irritation.  On the positive side, the product also contains super ingredients like aloe, chamomile and cucumber extracts.

Kiss Me Exfoliating Lip Scrub & Facial:  Sadly, it doesn't look like this product is offered by philosophy any longer - I've actually used it in the past and loved it.  Phenoxyethanol was the only worry with this product - it is a preservative and fragrance agent that has proven evidence of skin and immune system toxicity and is an allergen.  Other than that, this was actually one of my favorite philosophy products - too bad it's no longer for sale!

The Bad

Eternal Grace Spray Fragrance:  SO much to say about this one - but if you'd rather skip ahead, simply put, I would never use this.  The ingredients in this range from those that could cause massive allergy issues for the user, to those that cause endocrine disruption, organ toxicity, developmental and reproductive toxicity, ecotoxicology, and more.  Some ingredients of note include Oxybenzone, Lilial, and Citral.  Take my advice and consider natural fragrances versus those made from chemical compounds.

Shampoo, Shower Gel & Bubble Bath, Mangos & Cream: This 3-in-1 product runs just shy of $100 for 32oz... Ouch!  On top of that, it contains DMDM hydantoin, which is an antimicrobial formaldehyde releaser preservative.  This ingredient is known to cause skin toxicity issues and there is also evidence that shows it can cause cancer.  CANCER - From your bubble bath.  Not good.

Kiss Me Color Lip Shine: Another relic of philosophy's past that is no longer available, this product was another member of the "cancer club," containing BHT - an ingredient that not only is a carcinogen, but also an allergen and known to cause developmental and reproductive toxicity issues.  This product also contains MULTIPLE endocrine disruptors like Oxybenzone and Octinoxate.  Thank goodness it's no longer on the market!

Final Thoughts

While it's not fair to hold philosophy to an "all natural" standard that they've never claimed, it is a bit discouraging to find so few "safe" products in their catalog.  I personally can't afford to buy a lot of their products to begun with, so I'd say your best bet would be to search for more natural and cost effective alternatives.

Welcome Cozy Baby #2!

Born 2/17/15, weighing in at 8lbs, 0oz and measuring 20inches long - Our little girl!

Childproofing your iPad

Let's face it - most of us are going to have children that end up MUCH more tech-savvy than we are... and typically this aptitude for electronics is happening early!  My 6 year-old is incredibly skilled at getting onto a computer, phone, iPad - you name it.  I'm not even sure where he picked up the skills or who taught him.

So here's the question - In a world with nearly unlimited access to things that we would NEVER want our children to see, read, or hear, how do we "childproof" our electronics, while still allowing them to grow and learn in our hugely technological society?  Let's start simple.  The iPad.

The key to managing your iPad's safety is in the "Setting" icon.  Everything you'll need can be found here - Restrictions, Wifi, Passcode options, etc.  Make yourself familiar with all of the tabs in this area so that you know how to enable and disable the different features on your device.  This is SUPER important for parents who want to allow their kids to use their electronics, but want a firm control on what their child can do when using them.

Step One: Passcode

The most basic way to protect your child - and your iPad - is to create a passcode (or password) which will lock your device when not in use.  This means that if your especially curious child does manage to get their little hands on the iPad when you aren't looking, they still won't be able to actually use it.

Step Two: Restrictions

This is the most important way to limit your child's access to inappropriate material.  A lot of parents just aren't sure HOW to go about it, so here's a walk through - Open up Settings (I love that icon!) and go to "General Settings" which is an option located on the left side of the screen.  Then, click on "Restrictions" which should pop up on the lower right, as seen below:

Once there, you will have the ability to select what security features you would like to enable or disable.  You also set a separate passcode for restrictions, just in case your child figures out your main passcode.  There are a lot of different options, so here's a breakdown:

 

I opt to disable EVERYTHING except use of the camera - you may not be so strict!  However, I do have a few reasons for limiting my child so much.

• By turning off the "iTunes Store," "Installing Apps" and "In-App Purchases" you have completely avoided the worry that your child may accidentally spend money while using the iPad.  
• Disabling the "Deleting Apps" option stops your child from accidentally removing games or other apps from your device.
• "Safari" is Apple's web browser.  I prefer to sit with my child when he's on the actual "internet" and by disabling this, I don't need to worry about him stumbling across a website that he shouldn't be on.
• Options like "Siri" or "FaceTime" are just simply features that I don't see my child using, so why give him the option?  I have a specific plan in mind during my child's "media time" and it's important to me that he uses the time on games or apps that I have approved - not messing around with random features that don't have any real purpose.

Another area of the "Restrictions" page is "Allowed Content," which is extremely important if you opt to allow your child on apps like YouTube or Netflix, or if you aren't sure on the appropriateness of certain apps.

Here are my settings, but you might need yours altered based on your child's age.  Just click on each sub-section to see the options and pick what works best for you.

Don't Worry - It's Not Permanent!

The thing to keep in mind is that your restrictions can be quickly changed by you at ANY time.  As your child grows, or if you have children in different age groups, it takes only a few swipes of your finger to adjust the settings.

It's extremely easy to have an iPad that the entire family can share - including you, for your Sons of Anarchy binges on Netflix (not that I watch that show or anything...)

Review: LUSH Fair Traded Honey Shampoo

I recently went into one of my favorite stores, LUSH Handmade Cosmetics, and asked around for shampoos that would help my super dry hair.  Pregnancy has NOT been kind and my hair has turned frizzy and unmanageable. 

I was directed to a number of solid and liquid shampoos before the salesperson came to the Fairly Traded Honey Shampoo (or just "Fair Trade Honey" depending on the country you live in).  This product is advertised to give luster to hair, as well as volume and moisture.  It's also preservative-free, which is a huge win in my book.   

Ingredient Breakdown

Looking at the information for this product online, you'll see that, as far as ingredients go, "50% is honey, 20% is linseed mucilage, which has a lovely texture and is moisturizing and conditioning."  That sounds great!  The standout ingredients that make this an awesome product are Fairly Traded Honey, Linseed Mucilage, Sunflower Lecithin, Geranium Oil, Beeswax Absolute, Neroli Oil, and more.  These are plant-based and can do wonders to add shine, moisture, and remove impurities from your hair.

However, this isn't a 100% natural product - I think a lot of people go into LUSH and assume that their products are chemical free - but that's not the case.  Sodium Laureth Sulfate is in this product and it's among the "Dirty Dozen" of chemicals to avoid in cosmetic and beauty products.  This chemical is a surfactant, which is a agent used to help oil-based and non-oils to mix together and also serves as a foaming agent... However, is ingredient is a TOXIN.  It is a known irritant to the skin and eyes, and has potential concerns relating to contamination of products like Ethylene Oxide, which is a truly nasty chemical compound.  This product also has added Fragrance - another "Dirty Dozen" - fragrances can be harmful to those with allergies, or can assist in the development of allergies later in life.

Overall, though, this is a great product - mostly plant based ingredients and the chemicals used are, comparatively speaking, not that bad.  Many of the popular shampoos that the vast majority of use purchased are much, much more chemically derived.

Value

I bought a small bottle to try out for my first use and this stuff is NOT cheap.  I paid $9.95 for a 3.3fl oz. bottle... which is smaller than any other bottle in my shower.  I normally would not purchase something so expensive, but I like that this product is, for the most part, a natural shampoo.  The one reality that most of us need to accept is that if we are opting to go to a store for a natural beauty product, it will NOT be cheap.

Does It Work?

I shampoo and condition (my conditioner is coconut milk based) my hair every other day, while also using argan oil to treat the ends of my hair daily.  My prior shampoo was a keratin formula, and since beginning the use of the Fairly Traded Honey Shampoo, I will say that my hair does feel much more moisturized.

The smell of the product isn't that great when you're in the shower applying it, but while heat-styling my hair, the honey scent turns very sweet and is actually quite nice compared to the smell of my hair with the keratin shampoo.  The shampoo does feel a bit heavy on my "Day One" hair, but I get a lot of bounce back on "Day Two."

As far as shine, I haven't seen a lot of difference on the ends of my hair, but along the crown of my head, my hair does have a more silky appearance.

Would I Repurchase?

Overall, I'd say that this is a fun product to try, but too expensive for the average mom to use long term.  I think that I would rather keep shopping around for other shampoos that cost less and that still have natural ingredients.

There are a few coconut and argan oil formulas that I will be trying over the next few months - keep an eye out for those reviews!

Why I Didn't Raise A Whiner

Perhaps this will be a controversial post... maybe it won't be.  But as a parent, I think that the behaviors we instill in our kids are some of the most important elements of being a "parent" ... So here we go!

You've all seen those kids... the ones in grocery stores and at parks - the ones that seem to rule their parents through temper tantrums, cry at the drop of a hat, and get whatever they want?  Yeah - those kids.  The whiners.  I can't stand whiners.

First and foremost, I accept that some children have a larger problem at play than just being whiners.  This post isn't directed at those children.  Severe behavior issues as a result of developmental problems, victims of abuse, autistic children, etc - they aren't what this is about.  In fact, I salute the parents of special needs children and am in awe of you.

This post is, really, not even directed at kids.  This is a post ALL about the parents.  I am a firm believer that "whiny" kids are the result of the environment they've been raised in.  I see it everyday with children of friends, kids at my son's school, even my own nieces and nephews.

These children essentially do whatever they want and the entire WORLD hears it when they don't get their way.  They are the kids that cry when they get apple juice instead of orange juice.  The ones that freak out at the store if they can't open their new toy right away.  They are the kids FLIP OUT at the playground when another kid is on their favorite swing... Honestly, in the immortal words of Sweet Brown:

That being said, I get it.  We all raise our kids differently and every child is unique... However, what I do NOT feel is unique are the basic ideas of respect, listening, and following direction.  Given my lack of patience for "whiners," I thought a lot (during pregnancy) about what I could do to make sure that my child didn't become one.  It was, in fact, my nieces and nephews that aided me in creating my "Anti-Whiner Parenting Plan."

My nieces and nephews are beautiful and amazing children... however, they are also spoiled brats.  Sorry if that term bothers you, but this post isn't for those who think life is all sunshine and roses.  My nieces and nephews have been allowed to do whatever they want since the minute they were born.  They talk back and have nasty attitudes, they freak out when discipline is attempted, and they have issues with any authority figure in their life - including their parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and teachers.

I think the key to what I would have done differently with them, and what I DID do differently with my son, was set around three basic ideas:

1. Setting Firm Boundaries
2. Being a Predictable Parent
3. Not Overreacting

Set Firm Boundaries

This has been the key to my parenting philosophy.   My son knows what he is and is not allowed to do.  My husband and I aren't "wishy-washy" about it.  We haven't given him any unreasonable or overly restrictive rules, but the rules that are in place are non-negotiable... and the key here is that he KNOWS they aren't negotiable.

If he decides to break a rule, he knows going into it that there will be consequences.  This helps to limit any overly emotional reactions to punishment - when he has his half hour of iPad time taken away because he refused to eat his vegetables at dinner, it's not a surprise.  He certainly isn't happy about it, but we don't experience melt-downs of cosmic proportions.

Be Predictable

Tying in with the last concept, predictability has been extremely important in my parenting style.  Allowing my son to see that I have a stable and consistent reaction to his bad behavior helps him, in my opinion, with his decision making.  He KNOWS.  This means that when I give him a punishment - like having to sit in his room for ten minutes after he refused to listen about cleaning up his toys - he KNOWS the drill.

I simply refuse to let him get away with bad behavior, or "play it easy" on him every now and again.  The simple fact is that by being consistent, he doesn't usually act out in ways that require punishment.  He's a REALLY good kid.  Predictability allows us both to go through our days with the knowledge that if a line is crossed, he will need to "face the music," and we both know what will happen.

Don't Overreact

I cannot tell you how important I feel it is to limit our reactions as parents.  It's SO easy to just SCREAM sometimes - I know I've wanted to (badly) in the past.  But when I see those whiny kids at the store and that parent in their face yelling at them to shut up?  Pinching them to get them to stop?  No.  That's not cool.  I don't think that yelling or hitting a child will help ANYTHING.  In fact, I'm a firm believer that it will only make things worse.

We need to have a firm set of rules for our kids and they need to know to follow them - but the reality is that they're kids and they WILL go against the rules at times.  It's normal.  So when it does happen, we need to have a rational and calm reaction that allows us to discipline our children, while also maintaining their trust and respect in us.  Don't overreact and go off like a bomb - walk them through what's happening, why they are in trouble, and be clear about the consequences.

Judge Not

At the end of day, as I said before, all of us are different.  Our kids are different and their reactions in certain situations can be unpredictable no matter patient or consistent we are.  What's important is instilling the values of respect and "right vs. wrong" in them from a young age.  We'll all go about that in various ways, some that might work for a lot of people, others that won't.  It's all about the effort at working toward patient parenting that I feel is the most important...  Because, let's be honest - No one likes a whiner.

Guide to Natural Fabrics in Cloth Diapers

Like I've said time and time again, cloth diapering is NOT easy for the newbie cloth mom to wrap her head around (or the newbie cloth dad!).  The options are ridiculously varied and it does take a lot of trial and error to find what works for you and your baby.

One of the more confusing elements of cloth diapering are the fabric options - what's best?  What's cheapest?  Can best and cheapest be the same thing?  Are all of the options healthy for your baby's skin?

Because the options are so vast, I wanted to simply start with natural fibers - these are fabrics we're all familiar with to a certain extent, and all have a lot of great functionality when used in cloth diapering.  The most common natural fibers that you'll find available are cotton, bamboo, and hemp.  While others do exist, I like to keep things simple and these three are the staples of natural fibers in cloth diapering.

 

Cotton wins the "affordable" category - and probably will be the easiest to locate as well.  Cotton prefolds and flats are extremely common, come in organic and/or unbleached options, and are super cost effective.  Organic cotton is more expensive than bleached/processed cotton, but you can get still quite a lot of "bang for your buck" even in the organic area.

Cotton is also a very absorbent fabric once you've taken the time to properly prep the material (get the scoop on cloth diaper prep here), and is also very breathable.  "Breathable" is an important factor in cloth diapers because it means that the fabric will help to pull moisture away for baby's skin and lowers the occurrence of diaper rash.

While less readily available than cotton, bamboo is a fabric with a lot of additional benefits in cloth diapering.  Bamboo is a hypoallergenic fabric that is, in most cases, MUCH more absorbent than cotton.  This means that the parents of heavy wetters LOVE bamboo... In fact, I'll go ahead and give this fabric the win in "absorbency" for natural fibers.

This fabric is also antimicrobial and antibacterial.  This means that there is a lower chance of bad odors with bamboo, and that the fabric will help to naturally limit mildew.  Given it's high absorbency, this makes bamboo ideal for keeping moisture away for your baby and limiting diaper rash or skin infections.

Hemp is often considered to the be the champion of "durability" in cloth diapering.  This fabric can last a really long time - It is also easier to find than bamboo and many of the major cloth diaper companies offer hemp inserts and fitteds.

Breathable and absorbent, hemp is also often considered more effective for heavy wetters than cotton.  In addition to that, hemp is antimicrobial, so you'll get the benefit of limited odors with this fabric as well.

A key benefit to hemp is, however, the fact that hemp in nature is not grown in a manner that requires the use of pesticides.  This means that you don't need to worry about any nasty pesticides lingering in the fabric when you purchase (still prep this fabric, though!).


Want more "Cloth Diaper 101?"  Check out these articles from The Cozy Life:

• What Cloth Diaper is right for you?
• The Importance of Cloth Diaper "Prep"
• The Scoop on Baby Wipes
• DIY or Buy?  Cloth diaper detergent

Budget Beauty: e.l.f. Foundation & Powder

I am always out looking for a bargain, but when it comes to makeup, "cheap" - more often than not - usually equals "toxins."  It's an unfair reality that, generally, "safe cosmetics" come with a super high price tag that us moms just can't justify.  I'd rather buy my son a new easel for painting than spend $50 on 3oz. of foundation... Sorry, makeup industry.

e.l.f. brand cosmetics (Eyes Lips Face) is a massively cost effective brand that I discovered about a year ago at my local Target.  Most of their products are $1, $3, or $6 each and they have a pretty wide selection to choose from.  But at that price point, could a "safe cosmetics" junky really expect to see anything worth buying?  Surprisingly, the answer is YES.

e.l.f. Studio High Definition Powder

This HD powder is translucent and is made to "soften" the look of your skin - as with any HD powder, it does create a bit of a "flash back" which whitens the face in photos, but it still works wonders.  I actually own this product, and while I wouldn't wear it out when I know I'll be taking pictures, it's a great "everyday" powder to apply over foundation.

In the safety department, this product is nearly flawless.  The ingredients list is short - Only containing Dimethicone/Vinyl Dimethicone Crosspolymer, Silica, Tin Oxide, Calcium Sodium Borosilicate, and Sodium Dehydroacetate.  I know that looks like a series of words in another language, however, all but one have zero adverse health effects.  The only one that does, Silica, is considered a bulking agent in powders that has a very limited concern relating to inhalation.  Given that, Silica is still not classified as toxic or harmful.

e.l.f. Studio Flawless Finish Foundation with SPF

I'm addicted to foundations - love them.  However, most are of full of nasty stuff.  e.l.f. has this $6 option with relatively limited toxins - in fact, this product has vastly less health and wildlife concerns then just about any other high end OR drugstore brand.

This is a semi-matte foundation with a medium coverage (to mask those lovely spots and dark circles that us moms can't get rid of).  It is a liquid formula and can easily be applied with a brush or sponge applicator.

The biggest concern with this product is the SPF it contains - many women see "sunscreen" and automatically think that the product is going to be much better for them... Not necessarily true.  While we definitely need to protect our skin from sun exposure, the SPF found in cosmetics isn't always a good thing.  This foundation has two active ingredients - Octyl Salicylate 2% and Titanium Dioxide 5.5%.  Neither are considered HIGH risk, but Octyl Salicylate is a known allergen and is potentially harmful to the environment. 

The only other concern with this foundation is the ingredient Phenoxyethanol - this is another known allergen / eye irritant, and is limited in products used on the lips.  Still, it is classified as a "low" priority ingredient overall, which is a good thing.

Safe or Not?

These are both products I would buy and use (and have in the past).  There's no reason to break the bank on makeup when these types of healthy options are available at close to no cost.

Want to know more about beauty products and their impact on your health?  Check this out from The Cozy Life.

Having A Daughter... It's Complicated

I never could have imagined having my own daughter until I found out I was pregnant with her.  I can't tell you how many times I told people that I "was never meant to have a daughter."  But why is that?  Why would my mind have put a mental block around the idea of raising a daughter?

I suppose the easiest thing to factor is my relationship with my own mother.  I love her dearly and she's incredibly important in my life.  She's one of my biggest influences.  With that said, I'm solidly in the "Daddy's Girl" category - my dad and I talk almost everyday, despite the fact that I'm in California and they're in Florida.  We can talk for hours, and we talk about anything - politics, groceries, television shows... we don't even agree on that stuff, but we have a natural "rhythm" with each other that makes our communication flow without any effort.

With mom, it's different.  It always has been.

She and I can talk for a few minutes at time, but then the phone swiftly gets handed back to dad.  We make sure that the other is doing okay, that we're happy... and that's about it.  Mom and I just never really developed that rapport that I hear my friends talk about with their moms.

So what happened?

There's a book called The 5 Love Languages that I absolutely adore.  This book opened my eyes to root of what might have limited the development of a close relationship with my mom (and no, this isn't a sponsored post!).  If you aren't familiar with it, the basic idea of this book is that people give and receive love in five very basic ways - Acts of Service, Gifts, Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, and Quality Time.

I fall into the "Acts of Service" and "Gifts" categories... Oddly enough, so does my father.  This means that my dad and I value doing things for, and giving things to, other people.  It's also the way that we most readily accept affection from others.  My mother? She could care less about about presents or me cleaning the kitchen for her when I visit.

Mom is definitely a "Quality Time" and "Physical Touch" kind of lady.  My mother wants her daughters, even now that we're well into adulthood, to sit on her lap, give her kisses on the cheek, and walk with her while she holds our hands... To me, that stuff is annoying.  I don't like hugs - I'm not a touchy person.  I also don't like having my hand held by anyone other than my husband and my kid.  Sorry, mom.

Building a Mother/Daughter Relationship

Now that I'm a mother, it really bothers me that I don't have a well developed relationship with my own mom... I suppose my dad stepped in and filled both roles for me a lot of the time.  As I think about that, and what that means, it makes me sad.

It also means that I want to start strong in my relationship with my own daughter.  Yes, I know that she might end up closer to my husband - I'm okay with that - But I also want her to feel like she can talk with me about her problems, come to me with her successes and worries... I want with her what I have with my dad.

But how can I do that?  What can I do that won't force closeness - just encourage it?  I think it boils down to a few very simple things.

 

Learn how she gives and receives love/affection

While my mother is an amazing mom, we just never developed a meaningful way to communicate.   As my daughter grows into her own person, I need to accept that she, as with me and my mom, likely won't be a carbon-copy of me.  I need to learn how SHE receives and gives affection so that I can provide for her the type of meaningful support she'll need as she navigates through life.

Respect our differences and embrace them

Another place where I think my mother and I went wrong is that we never learned to appreciate the differences between us.  We've accepted that we're very different people and simply avoid the issues that separate us.  With my daughter, I want to embrace our differences and celebrate them.  I probably could learn a great deal from my mother and her approach at life... and I luckily still have the time to bridge that gap.  With my daughter, I don't want to play "catch up" when she's older - I want to learn from her when she's two, ten, twenty, even forty years-old.

What's In Your Baby Shampoo?

As you've probably figured out, two of my passions are safe cosmetics and being an "Eco-Mom" - today I want to combine those ideas!  Over the past few weeks I've talked about nail polish, hair care... even makeup remover - But what about the hygiene products that we use on our children?  There is, unfortunately, just as much of an opportunity for nasty chemicals to sneak their way into our toddler and infant products as they do our own hair and skin care.  One product in particular has always bothered me - Baby Shampoo.

Looking at the ingredient labels on shampoos - baby or otherwise - is generally a test on your language skills.  Chemical compounds that are virtually unpronounceable are in almost every single shampoo product out there.  So how can you figure out which shampoo is best for your baby?

Generally speaking, the baby shampoo market is "safer" than adult shampoos - a lot of the SUPER nasty stuff doesn't get included in products designed for infants... typically.  But even some of the most popular baby brands still include ingredients that are really unhealthy for a growing baby.

First, we'll look at Aveeno Baby Wash and Shampoo.  This formula is advertised as tear-free, gentle, and moisturizing.  In the US, 12fl oz. go for around $9.00, depending on the retailer.  Aveeno is also a really popular brand for baby lotions, creams, oils - you name it.


This is NOT, however, a product I would use with my baby.  Why?

Gastrointestinal and liver toxicity?  Immune and allergenic effects?  Respiratory toxicant?  Environmental toxins?  Yikes!  To be fair, these ingredients are in very limited quantities - but they're still there.  Given that this is such a popular brand and SO easy to find, are there any better alternatives?

Next we'll look at Babyganics Night Time Shampoo + Body Wash.  Just by looking at it, this one seems more hopeful - "ganics" as in  "ORganics!"  Perfect!  This formula has no parabens, sulfates, phthalates, mineral oil, petrolatum, gluten, artificial fragrances or dyes - wonderful!  This one costs around $12.00 for 18fl oz. here in the US, so it's even a bit more cost effective than the Aveeno option.

But... it's not all perfection.  Here's why:

Nervous system toxicity is NOT something I want in my baby's shampoo. On top of that, this product also contains fragrances (though non-artificial), just like Aveeno.  So while this brand is certainly an improvement, it's not quite where I'd like it to be.

By now, you're probably thinking that it's time to open up Pinterest and look into DIY baby shampoo, huh?  While that's a wonderful idea - and one I'll cover in another blog post - there is one store bought baby shampoo that combines convenience in availability with a lack of harmful ingredients.

Burt's Bees Baby Bee Shampoo & Wash, Fragrance Free - this is as close to "safe" as you're going to get at any major retailers.  For $9.00, you can get a 12fl oz. bottle and this brand has become so popular that even Target and WalMart stock almost their entire catalog in their stores.

This is a tear-free and plant-based formula made with aloe, soy proteins, and oat flour.  It does contain sodium benzoate, which has has been deemed safe for use but is a restricted ingredient in large quantities when used with cosmetics... So it's not perfect as a product, but it's pretty close.

The bottom line as a parent is simply to educate yourself - know what chemicals are in your baby's shampoos, detergents, wipes, etc.  This will help you in making the best purchasing decisions for your family.

Want more on safe products for baby?  Check this out!