Creating a Birth Plan - Part Three: Postpartum

Labor and delivery are over and you're now the proud parent of a beautiful baby boy or girl (maybe both!) - But, the planning doesn't stop there.  While you've delivered your child, the journey of giving birth is not quite over yet for you and your little one.

Your postpartum care will be, in part, determined by the manner of your delivery - this includes the type of facility (or home) that you give birth in.  For home deliveries, customization and comfort will be more readily available.  For hospital births, your options may be more limited because of standard procedures in place at your hospital's labor and delivery ward.  The important thing to remember, though, is that options STILL exist.  Plan ahead and know what to expect.

• Breastfeeding:  One of the most difficult aspects of my postpartum experience with my son was breastfeeding.  I had a lactation consultant assist me when I encountered trouble and even then I wasn't as successful as I hoped I'd be.  Prior to delivery, do your research - maybe even take a class about it.  Determine the lactation assistance available at your hospital or birthing center and know at what point you'd like to have help brought in.  You should also look into breast pumps, just in case those are necessary for your child to consume breast milk.  Research baby formulas if you do not plan, or are unable, to breastfeed.
• Pain Management:  It goes without saying that you'll be slightly uncomfortable (if not MORE than slightly) following the birth of your child - whether you give birth vaginally, via c-section, with or without medication.  Discuss your pain management options with your doctor and determine what you're comfortable with - acetaminophen, percoset, etc.  If you know that you'll be having a c-section, discuss what your wound care routine will be and the timeline of recovery.
• Hospital Stay:  For those of you giving birth in a hospital, be sure that you know what normal procedure is for hospital stays for all birth options - For vaginal unmedicated, many hospitals will plan for a discharge 24 hours following birth.  For vaginal deliveries with an epidural, it might be extended.  That extension will go even further with a c-section.  Plan ahead and know what to expect.  Perhaps there is flexibility and you can opt to get out of the hospital sooner.  Discuss these options with your doctor and pack your hospital bag accordingly.
• Nursery or In Room?:  This wasn't even an option for me, but it should still be discussed for hospital deliveries.  Once you've been moved to your recovery room, would you like your child to remain in your recovery room with you, or would you prefer that your baby be taken to the hospital's nursery?  If you'd prefer the nursery, would you like your baby brought to you for feedings or would you allow the hospital staff to bottle-feed?
• Baby's First Vaccination:  Controversial topic warning!  Another consideration for a hospital birth is when and whether you would like your baby's first vaccination administered.  A pediatrician will be monitoring your child while you are in recovery and during their rounds, in the United States at least, you will given the choice to have the Hepatitis B vaccination given.  Will you be following a traditional or an altered vaccine schedule for your child?
• Circumcision:  For those moms expecting little boys, there is the question of circumcision.  This can also be a contentious topic, so I will only say that you have the option as a parent to elect to have your son circumcised, or to not have them circumcised.  The decision is yours so be sure you know the method used at your hospital and what the care instructions would be should you elect to have the procedure done.
• Guests:  Another important consideration for your recovery is who you would like to come to the hospital to visit with you and your new baby.  It's important for those giving birth in a hospital to know their hospital's rules on visitors who are under-aged, and if those policies change during flu season.  Know what visiting hours you have available and plan accordingly.  I personally chose to limit my visitors to my sisters and my parents... the woman who shared a recovery room with me opted to have 1,000,000 people with her from the minute visiting hours started until the minute they ended.

Up Next!

Hopefully this gave you a few things to think about when considering your options for postpartum care.  Next I'll be discussing emergencies - the least fun part of this series.   However, I feel it's important to plan for everything - even if it means thinking about unplanned c-sections and NICU stays.

The Thankless Job

I met a wonderful nurse during my time working for a hospice several years ago - She was battling Stage 2 Breast Cancer but still managed to come into work everyday and help those suffering from terminal illnesses - an inspiring woman!

She and I would talk about our families - like any coworkers do - and we realized that, despite a 20+ year age gap and extremely different backgrounds, we did have one very key thing in common.  We married men who already had children.

Yes, I'm a stepmother.  I don't like to discuss my stepkids on this blog, both out of respect for them and because my years as a step-parent have been a huge series of ups and downs.  As my wonderful coworker said very simply, being a step-parent is, at times, a thankless job.

If you don't already have kids, stepping into a relationship with a man who does can be extremely scary.  I didn't really know what I was getting myself into and those first years were a revolving door of me doing everything I possibly could to get my stepkids to "like" me.  It didn't work.

My relationship with my stepson has always been hard - he's extremely close to his mother and I was a very much "unwanted" addition to the family.  Even after almost 10 years, I don't think he's overly excited to see me when he comes over.   My stepdaughter and I are much closer, but as she's growing into a young lady, she's building that special bond with her mother that has added a strange dynamic to how she responds to time with me.  Don't get me wrong - my stepkids are GOOD kids and I care about them a great deal.  It's not all bad, it's not all stress.  But it's definitely difficult.

As my stepkids enter their teenage years, I've taken a different approach of simply being there when they need me, not forcing on them anything that they either don't want or aren't happy with.  This has helped our relationships tremendously, but it's still, at times, an awkward thing.  Especially when it comes time to clean up the house or eat vegetables.

You see, my parents are still married - I never had a stepmom.  I don't know what it's like to be in the home of your dad while he's married and raising children with another woman.  I don't know what it's like to be told that dad is having another baby - but not with mom, with someone else.  I don't know what it's like to be shuffled from house to house, never really being able to settle in anywhere because I pretty much live to two different places.

I've spoken to MANY women in my same situation over the years and I've come to the conclusion that's there is really NO easy way to handle being the "stepmom."  At times, things are going to be great.  Other times?  Not so much.   So what can we do keep our sanity and make our stepchildren more comfortable?

Don't Expect Miracles

If you have the expectation that you're going to immediately develop the world's strongest bond with your stepkids, you're going to be disappointed.  As much as any step-parent would wish for a strong and mutually respectful relationship with their spouse's children, it's not always possible.

Consider your relationship with your stepkids to be a constant "work in progress" - you'll have your good days, you'll have your bad days, and so long as you show those children that you care about them and want what's best for them, it WILL work out in the end.

Put Yourself In Their Shoes

This was the hardest part for me, simply because I had no frame of reference to work off of - I didn't know what my stepchildren might be feeling or thinking as my husband and I started a family together.  But the important thing is to TRY.  Remember that your spouse's kids are KIDS - some of their reactions might seem unreasonable - even overly-dramatic.  But that's to be expected from children.

Try to understand where they are coming from - Accept the fact that it may be hard for them to welcome a new person into the family when they might really wish that their parents were still together.  It's a hard thing to consider, given that you've now joined the family, but your stepchildren likely remember what it was like to have mom AND dad at home - and they probably miss it.

Don't Take It Personally

I've cried because of my stepkids before - Not in front of them, of course, but hidden away in the bathroom or in my car on the way to work.  I've been really hurt by things they've said or done - I tried SO hard for them to want me in their lives and it was really tough on me emotionally when they didn't feel the same way.

As step-parents, we just can't take it personally.  The minds of children are incredibly complicated places - it is impossible to anticipate every reaction.  You're also probably in a role where they need to respect you.  Remember your own childhood - Authority figures aren't fun for kids.  They don't want to clean their room or go to bed at 8:00pm.  They WILL challenge you.  It WILL suck.  Just don't take it personally.

All-In-One Cloth Diaper Comparison

As a cloth-mom looking to maximize savings on my cloth diaper purchases, it's really important that I know what I'm getting into before making a diaper purchase.  Clearly, every mom and every baby is different, so what works for others might not work for me, but I want to make sure I've done my research on other mom's experiences before I make a decision to buy.

So that's what we're talking about today - How to make a decision to buy a particular cloth diaper.  I am looking into All-In-One's (check out my guide to cloth diapers here) and how to decide which brand is right for you.  I wanted to look at three different major cloth diaper brands to see how they measured up against each other - I chose bumGenius, Thirsties, and Blueberry.

What to Consider

Reviews:  What do other moms say about these diapers?  Sometimes online reviews will give you more information than anything else when considering which diapers to buy.  I try to balance both the good and the bad, getting as equal an opinion as I can.

• bumGenius: On Diaper Junction, one reviewer said that the elemental AIO was "SO much more beautiful in person than I ever could have imagined. The elementals are super absorbent and I'm able to add more absorbency as needed for naps/night time which is awesome too!"  On Kelly's Closet, a different review gave a slightly less positive opinion, saying that "this diaper is ok. No leaks, but getting it on is tough because the layers don't lay flat on the smaller settings. It also takes ForEVER to dry."
• Thirsties: I found a great review on Diaper Junction for this one: "We have both Thirsties AIO size 1s and Thirsties one-size AIOs in our diaper stash. The benefit of the redesign is that these dry so much faster than the sized type that had the tunnel design - no need to turn inside out to fully dry anymore. The downside is that they don't fit our baby quite as well as the size 1s. It will pay off in the long run, though, with not having to buy extra sizing as she grows. Haven't been able to use these at night without leaking around thighs."
• Blueberry: The first review I read on this diaper at Diaper Junction said that "this diaper seems nicely made, but it is bulky and already small on my 12 lb baby. I am on the second to last snaps on the top and medium rise. There is no way this will last to 30+ pounds."  On Kelly's Closet, on review said "I like how the soaker folds out for faster drying, and how you can add additional absorbency under the soaker for heavy wetters. However, these are on the pricey side, especially since the natural fabric they use is just cotton, and not something more absorbent like bamboo or hemp, which would justify the price a bit more"

Cost: AIO's tend to be at the top of the price range for most cloth diapers - Some brands dip below $20 per diaper, others above $30.  Let's see how these do:

• bumGenius: $24.95 per diaper on CottonBabies.Com
• Thirsties: $16.50 per diaper on ThirstiesBaby.Com
• Blueberry:  $28.95 per diaper on KellysCloset.Com

Sizing and Closures:  Cloth diapering "basics" tell the informed mom that you can get a diaper in "one size" or diapers that are sized to a smaller weight range, and diapers that come with two forms of closures - Snaps and Velcro (aplix / hook and loop).  Many moms have a preference here, so this is really dependent on what you prefer.

• bumGenius: The elemental AIO is a one-size option that comes in a 3x3 snap down design and adjusts the sizing to small, medium and large sizes (approximately 8-35 lbs.)  Snap Closures.
• Thirsties: These come in two sizes - Size 1 is advertised to fit babies weighing 6-18lbs (6-8kg) and Size 2 18-40lbs (8-28kg).  You can select either Snaps or Velcro closures.
• Blueberry:  This diaper is advertised to fit babies weighing 10-35lbs, with a waist range of 9-21" (23-53 cm), thigh range of 4-12.5" (10-32 cm), and rise of 13.5-18.5" (34-47 cm). Snap Closures.

Fabric: Some moms don't have a preference, others do.  I prefer natural fibers if I get them, but not every brand has the same options to pick from.

• bumGenius: Six layers of organic cotton for absorbency inside the diaper (next to baby) with an outer waterproof synthetic layer.
  
• Thirsties: Internal trim-fitting soaker with three layers of absorbent microfiber terry, a stay-dry microfleece liner, and an outer waterproof synthetic layer.
  
• Blueberry:  This diaper has a synthetic waterproof outer layer and 10 layers of 100% cotton birdseye fabric in the wet zone.  

 How do you make your choice?

This is the hard part - which one will end up being best for you?  Blueberry's option is just too pricey for me, so it's out.  Thirsties sounds like a great option that matches cost with decent reviews... but it lacks organic materials like bumGenius. 

The middle ground then, in my opinion, is the elemental AIO from bumGenius - organic cotton, reasonable pricing, and it has the closure/fit options that I prefer.  But another mom might go a completely different way - That's the benefit of cloth diapers.  You're able to try different things out and narrow-in on what works best for you and your baby.

Which would you pick?

Moms Are Allowed to Chase Dreams

Back in December of 2010, I took a huge leap.  I was the mother of a two year-old little boy, in a loving marriage, and I had been working for close to a year with a company that I thought I could make a career with... I was also at a crossroads.

Something was missing.  I didn't know what it was, but I wasn't fulfilled - there was something lacking.  That year we traveled to Arizona for a Christmas celebration with my husband's family, and I somehow ended up in a long conversation with my sister-in-law about her struggles in getting her masters degree.

My sister-in-law is a remarkable woman - She's raising her daughter alone in Phoenix with no local family support.  While holding down a job, she also managed to attend Arizona State University and got her masters degree in Healthcare Administration.  As we talked, I started to feel this strange pull towards the idea of getting an education.  I had dropped out of college years before and never looked back... but suddenly I couldn't stop thinking about it.

I did a lot of research over the next few weeks, figured out the finances, and made the decision to go back to school.  I enrolled in a bachelor's of accounting program that started on January 2, 2011.  For the next three and a half years I worked full time, raised my son, was a wife for my husband, AND was a full time student.

I lost a lot of sleep in those years.  I missed out on a lot of time with my son and my husband.  I pulled all-nighters and worked a full day immediately after, only to come home and study some more.  It wasn't easy.

I'll admit it - I cried sometimes while I was studying, locked away in my bedroom, because I could hear my son and husband laughing and playing down the hall.  I cried because I couldn't join them.  I cried because, while I knew I was making a good decision for our family's future, I was missing out on the people that mattered most.

But, at the end of the day, I had to believe that it was okay for a mother to have a dream too.  Not just young people with no attachments... I had to believe that me, a mom in a lower-middle class family, could dream big and actually LIVE that dream.

On August 18, 2014, I graduated Cum Laude with a Bachelor's of Science in Accounting.  I have an amazing job now.  We live in a better area with top-ranked schools, my job allows my husband to stay at home with our son, and I'm FULFILLED.

I don't feel like something's missing anymore.  I don't feel like I've missed the boat on my own ambitions.  I know now that it's okay for a mom get out and chase a dream - it's okay for us to still have goals for ourselves.  If anything, I feel that I've set a better example for my son than I ever could have living the life I was before - A life where I questioned where I was going, what I was doing, and if I'd missed out.

It doesn't matter what your dream is - whether it's getting healthy, learning to sew, going back to school, re-entering the workforce, or becoming a Stay-At-Home-Mom - figure out what you need to do and chase that dream.  It's okay for us mothers to go for it - it's not sacrificing our kids.  It's setting a better example for our kids.

Inspiring Creativity in our Children

In today's society, it's so easy to fall into the trap of sitting your child in front of a TV and letting the television act an an almost "baby sitter" while you get the laundry and dishes done, cook dinner, etc.  I'll admit that the TV has helped me out at times, even though I try my best to limit the amount of time my son spends watching it.

 But why should we limit TV or video game time?  My thought process behind that is keeping my child's mind active - not letting him just sit and watch a screen.  I want his mind, hands, and voice engaged in activities that will help him grow - I want to inspire his creativity.  But what activities can do that, and why is it so important?

 

Creativity, by definition, is the use of the imagination or original ideas.  One can imply from that, in a way, that any person requires a certain amount of creativity to "think outside of the box," be unique, and push the envelope.  These are the cornerstones of successful ADULTS in every business and industry in the world.  Because of that, I feel it's a parent's responsibility to foster creative thinking in their children. 

When our children are young, they're sponges - they take in everything and absorb it as they form their personalities, values, and opinions.  As parents, we can cultivate creativity through play and interaction - This doesn't require fancy classes at special academies or going to parenting workshops.  It's all about being present in your child's life and giving them exposure to games, toys, and experiences that will help them grow into creative thinkers.

In the Cozy household, we've been on a budget since the moment our son was born.  It's not that we weren't financially ready, it's just that kids can be and generally ARE expensive to raise.  We also live in California, so things tend to be pretty pricey anyway.

When thinking of ways to keep our son occupied and engaged in the world around him we, through trial and error, found a few really cheap ways to not only keep our son laughing and smiling, but also to inspire him to think and behave creatively.

Get Your Child Outside With a Magnifying Glass: A magnifying glass is a wonderful thing.  For only a few bucks, my son and I can enjoy outdoor adventures while we walk our dog.  We examine rocks, leaves, bugs - you name it.  My son comes up with all sorts of stories about who planted the trees around our house, what the birds might be talking about, and he's convinced the the snails we see are like Turbo from the movie.

Become An Artist: Crayons are my preference for this, but colored pencils and paints serve the same purpose.  My son LOVES colors - he even has a detailed list of his ten favorites.  He likes to draw our family, our dog, wild animals, roller coasters, and has recently started making greeting cards for us.  My favorites are the ones with "I Love Mom" written on the front.

Problem Solve with Puzzles: When he was little, we bought those big 10-piece puzzles for toddlers and our son wasn't at all impressed.  However, now that he's six years-old, the more challenging 100-piece puzzles keep him interested.  We turn these puzzles into family events, getting all of us at the table, helping him to piece together a puzzle about his favorite story, movie, and even maps of the world.

Adventure in a Book: Think beyond bedtime stories and include books throughout your child's day.  It helps with their development of reading skills and also allows them to explore the joy of reading about fairy tale princesses, dashing pirates, super heroes, and even outer-space travel.  For my son, the longer the book the better.  This process has encouraged his spirit of "make believe" and has made him more interested in the world around him.

Sculpt in 3D Color: Play Doh can be bought just about everywhere and I don't think I've met a child that didn't love the stuff.  We've amassed a relatively inexpensive box filled with different colors, shapes & cutters for our son to experiment with.  This has helped with his fine motor skills and is developing his ability for artistic expression... even if he always mixes the colors up.