When Life Throws You Lemons...

You can finish that phrase, right?  We're all supposed to make lemonade... right?  Well, sometimes us moms are thrown an excessive amount of lemons and the amount of lemonade needed under those circumstances would quench the thirst of a small island nation...  Staying positive and learning to "roll with the punches" as a parent takes a lot of trial and error, patience, and the occasional glass of wine (if you're into that sort of thing).

So what can we do?  Regardless of the situation, how can we moms turn lemons into lemonade, gain the respect of our children, and go to bed knowing that we're doing a kickass job as a parent?

Avoid The Rage

Growing up, both of my parents were "yellers."  We knew when we'd done something wrong because they made sure that we HEARD their anger.  I love my parents a great deal, but a lot of my built-in behaviors from childhood stem from a certain amount of fear - Fear of their anger, fear of them screaming at me, fear of getting into trouble.  In fact, I still eat all of the food off of my plate at EVERY meal because of the built-in fear I have at leaving the table before I've cleaned my plate - it's a habit I just can't kick, even if it gives me a stomach ache.  It was one of my mother's biggest pet-peeves.

Now that I have a child of my own and another on the way, it's important to me that I avoid the "rage" that I remember from the house I grew up in.  When my son does something that frustrates me, I take a step back and reign in any anger before I address the issue.  I usually ask him to go to his room while I process my thoughts, and then go in to talk with him once I'm calm and collected.  Yes, occasionally I slip up and I might raise my voice a little - I'm not perfect and will never claim to be.

We are firm with our son and he knows that he has limits - but I make a conscious effort to establish those limits in a way that makes him look to me as someone he trusts and respects, not someone who should be feared.

Don't Expect Perfection

I think that most moms view their children as "perfect" when they're born - these adorable little creatures that are the physical representation of our love... But they aren't perfect.  They never will be.  It's unfair to hold our children to a standard of perfection that they will never come close to reaching.

Think back to your own childhood and all of the things that you did, knowing they were wrong or that you shouldn't be doing, yet you did them anyway... Yeah - you were a bad kid sometimes, huh?  It's only normal to expect that our kids will have those same impulses and will occasionally get into trouble for one thing or another.

It's our job as parents to guide our children and raise them with morals and values that will help them in their decision-making as they get older.  Teach your kids the difference between "fun" and "stupid" - let them know that their actions will have consequences.  Talk to them when they get into trouble and try to figure out what motivated them to do whatever it was they did so that it can be avoided in the future.

...and it must be said - don't hold yourself to perfection either.  We'll make mistakes as parents.  It's going to happen, whether you're a first-time mom or the mother of ten kids.  Don't beat yourself up if your make a mistake - just take it day by day and learn, along with your child, on how to set your boundaries and love each other to the fullest.

Be Consistent

When you're angry with your child over something they did or said, it's important that we moms are consistent in our discipline.  If we're wishy-washy and never follow through with consequences, our kids will never grow to respect our guidance and follow the rules of our homes. 

It's also really hard on you as parent to flip-flop the rules and constantly make exceptions - you'll grow just as confused as your kids are.  By creating a solid and firm set of guidelines for our kids to follow and raising our children to know what to expect from us, we're going to save ourselves A LOT of headaches.

Consistency also needs to exist between mom and dad - having a different set of rules depending on which parent is home is NOT healthy.  I know this because that's how it was in my house.  This gave my sisters and I the chance to "get away" with things and avoid the consequences - we worked the system and took advantage of it whenever we could.  Communication between parents is key here - don't let the problem spiral out of control.