Back into the game - Returning to work after baby

Yesterday I attended a local networking event for small businesses and met an interesting woman who had labeled herself a "Working Mom Support Coach."  Essentially, she provides guidance for women who can't handle the readjustment back into the workforce following the birth of their children.   She had zeroed in on me as the "token pregnant lady" at the event and spoke to me about how women needed extra support in learning how to achieve a new life balance.

As a working mom, I thought this was an interesting concept - How hard is the readjustment when we go back to work?  I don't think that I really focused on the "difficulty" last time - going back to work was just my reality.  However, when you consider the hormonal changes in our postpartum bodies, the guilt of leaving our child with a daycare provider or family member, trying to find a place to pump at the office, etc... It can be a really tough time for us.

So how can we "get back into the game?"

I'm extremely proud of my career - while I'd love to be a Stay-At-Home-Mom, it's not in the cards for my family, and my reality is that I'm going back to work following the birth of my daughter... and yes, it'll be hard on me physically and emotionally - So how can I prepare and make this transition easier?

Stay Focused: It's easy to get overwhelmed by the idea of leaving a small baby at home and heading to the office for eight hours while someone else takes care of your child - parental guilt is common, especially when you're first making the transition following your maternity leave.  What I've found works to help you find your "new balance" is to stay focused on what you're doing - don't focus on what you're NOT doing.

I don't know any working moms that wouldn't rather spend more time with their children - but if you focus solely on what you're missing out on at home, you'll never be able to readjust to work-life.  When you're at work, be AT WORK.  When you're at home, be AT HOME.  Be as amazing at your job as you were before, stay in touch with your child's care provider during breaks and lunch, and leave the deadlines and budgets and benchmarks at the office when you leave for the day.  Don't try to carry the load of mom and employee 24/7.

Take Care of You: Often times, whether you're a working mom or a stay-at-home-mom, we mothers tend to focus on everyone else but ourselves.  The last person to get the care and attention they deserve is US.  Maybe it's just our maternal nature... Or, for working moms, that desire to "make up" for what we miss while we're at work.  Frankly, that's not fair.

Postpartum, our bodies are a roller coaster.   Hormones are going nuts, many of us have extra weight that makes us feel unattractive, and we're healing from a pretty major physical stress - giving birth to a child is no joke!  For weeks, sometimes months, our bodies just don't feel "like us" and it's not right to forget that we have our own needs.  So what do you do?

Take a bubble bath.  Eat healthy.  Get your partner's help with the baby night so that you can get some sleep.  Get your hair done.  Paint your nails.  DON'T FORGET THAT YOU'RE IMPORTANT TOO.

Don't Compare: One of my biggest pet-peeves is when mothers, or just women in general, compare themselves to each other.  As the mother of a kindergartener, I'm constantly feeling the pull of comparing myself to the moms that can drop their kids off and pick their kids up from school everyday - I only get to do that once a week because of my schedule, and I've created this false idea that those moms must think I'm a horrible parent because they see my husband more than they see me.

The reality is that putting the stress of comparison on ourselves only makes us unhappy.  Yes, there are times when I wish I'd pushed harder to be the stay-at-home parent in my marriage, but the honest truth is that I'm the working-parent for a reason.  I value my time at the office and I want to be out there growing as a professional - and there's nothing wrong with that.  I LOVE my job.  My husband is such an amazing man for letting me chase my dreams and I'm incredibly luckily that he was willing to leave his career to raise our kids.

Bottom Line?

Working parents are common, so don't hate yourself for leaving your baby to get back to work.  It's important that we set a good example of our kids, whether we stay at home with them or if we go back to the office.  If you spend your life focused on guilt and everything that you aren't doing, it'll be hard to set that great example because you'll be miserable.  No, you might not get a "home cooked" dinner on the table every night and yes, you'll miss the occasional milestone - and it will suck.  But if we lived our lives based on what we didn't do, we'd never accomplish anything.  Just love yourself and love your kids.  It's the best any of us can do.