Back into the game - Returning to work after baby

Yesterday I attended a local networking event for small businesses and met an interesting woman who had labeled herself a "Working Mom Support Coach."  Essentially, she provides guidance for women who can't handle the readjustment back into the workforce following the birth of their children.   She had zeroed in on me as the "token pregnant lady" at the event and spoke to me about how women needed extra support in learning how to achieve a new life balance.

As a working mom, I thought this was an interesting concept - How hard is the readjustment when we go back to work?  I don't think that I really focused on the "difficulty" last time - going back to work was just my reality.  However, when you consider the hormonal changes in our postpartum bodies, the guilt of leaving our child with a daycare provider or family member, trying to find a place to pump at the office, etc... It can be a really tough time for us.

So how can we "get back into the game?"

I'm extremely proud of my career - while I'd love to be a Stay-At-Home-Mom, it's not in the cards for my family, and my reality is that I'm going back to work following the birth of my daughter... and yes, it'll be hard on me physically and emotionally - So how can I prepare and make this transition easier?

Stay Focused: It's easy to get overwhelmed by the idea of leaving a small baby at home and heading to the office for eight hours while someone else takes care of your child - parental guilt is common, especially when you're first making the transition following your maternity leave.  What I've found works to help you find your "new balance" is to stay focused on what you're doing - don't focus on what you're NOT doing.

I don't know any working moms that wouldn't rather spend more time with their children - but if you focus solely on what you're missing out on at home, you'll never be able to readjust to work-life.  When you're at work, be AT WORK.  When you're at home, be AT HOME.  Be as amazing at your job as you were before, stay in touch with your child's care provider during breaks and lunch, and leave the deadlines and budgets and benchmarks at the office when you leave for the day.  Don't try to carry the load of mom and employee 24/7.

Take Care of You: Often times, whether you're a working mom or a stay-at-home-mom, we mothers tend to focus on everyone else but ourselves.  The last person to get the care and attention they deserve is US.  Maybe it's just our maternal nature... Or, for working moms, that desire to "make up" for what we miss while we're at work.  Frankly, that's not fair.

Postpartum, our bodies are a roller coaster.   Hormones are going nuts, many of us have extra weight that makes us feel unattractive, and we're healing from a pretty major physical stress - giving birth to a child is no joke!  For weeks, sometimes months, our bodies just don't feel "like us" and it's not right to forget that we have our own needs.  So what do you do?

Take a bubble bath.  Eat healthy.  Get your partner's help with the baby night so that you can get some sleep.  Get your hair done.  Paint your nails.  DON'T FORGET THAT YOU'RE IMPORTANT TOO.

Don't Compare: One of my biggest pet-peeves is when mothers, or just women in general, compare themselves to each other.  As the mother of a kindergartener, I'm constantly feeling the pull of comparing myself to the moms that can drop their kids off and pick their kids up from school everyday - I only get to do that once a week because of my schedule, and I've created this false idea that those moms must think I'm a horrible parent because they see my husband more than they see me.

The reality is that putting the stress of comparison on ourselves only makes us unhappy.  Yes, there are times when I wish I'd pushed harder to be the stay-at-home parent in my marriage, but the honest truth is that I'm the working-parent for a reason.  I value my time at the office and I want to be out there growing as a professional - and there's nothing wrong with that.  I LOVE my job.  My husband is such an amazing man for letting me chase my dreams and I'm incredibly luckily that he was willing to leave his career to raise our kids.

Bottom Line?

Working parents are common, so don't hate yourself for leaving your baby to get back to work.  It's important that we set a good example of our kids, whether we stay at home with them or if we go back to the office.  If you spend your life focused on guilt and everything that you aren't doing, it'll be hard to set that great example because you'll be miserable.  No, you might not get a "home cooked" dinner on the table every night and yes, you'll miss the occasional milestone - and it will suck.  But if we lived our lives based on what we didn't do, we'd never accomplish anything.  Just love yourself and love your kids.  It's the best any of us can do.

Cloth Diaper Stash 1.0: Update!

Orders have arrived and we've reached the point where it's time to take stock of what we have before moving on to cloth diaper prep for Cozy Baby #2 - Look forward to those details in a future post!

Before we begin washing and organizing, it's important to us that we're sure we have what we need - as you review this list, you'll likely notice that we haven't gone for a 100% "crunchy" approach, and we've decided against DIY options for now.  We still need to figure out wipes and a few other details as well, but we're well on our way to finalizing Cozy Baby #2's first stash.

Our current stash stands at more than 20 diapers, a combination of pocket diapers and prefolds with covers.  We have a TON of inserts, snappi fasteners, diaper rash cream safe for cloth diapers, our diaper pail is figured out, and we've decided to try out flush-able liners in place of a diaper sprayer for now.  For washing, Cozy Hubby insisted on a store-bought detergent, so we've opted to purchase the Baby ECOS plant-based laundry detergent (Cozy Hubby also insisted on liquid over powder, but we'll see how that goes). 

When added, our total cost for this "starter stash" has hit the $200 mark, factoring in the accessories.  Several of the diapers were also gifted to us, which helped out on savings (thanks, Dad!).

What I think is important for new parents considering cloth diapers is that while a lot does go into the preparation and the up-front cost is higher than with disposables, the end result is going to be worth it.  You also don't have to purchase every single accessory under the sun - to be honest, I don't even have a changing table (we never used the one we had with Cozy Baby #1 and it felt silly to purchase one this time around),  so we're not going over-board on fancy gadgets and name brand products.  

Why only Pockets and Prefolds?

As we reviewed all of the options available, Cozy Hubby and I decided that pockets and prefolds would be the best options for us.

• Flats: I never considered flats over prefolds - the cost comparison between the two didn't show a huge difference, and I felt that prefolds would work better for us if ever needed to use them as inserts for our pocket diapers.
• All-In-One's: We opted to pass on AIO's for a few reasons.  First, the cost.  Most of the brands we considered cost $15-$25 per diaper, where pocket diapers of equal quality were in the $10-$15 range and came with two inserts each (on average).  The second factor was dry-time.  Given that we're likely to start off with a stash around 20 diapers, we wanted to make sure that our wash and dry times weren't excessive.  We'll have to wash frequently, and with the goal of air-drying our stash, AIO's take the longest due to the multiple, thick layers of fabric.
• All-In-Two's: I noticed that some diapers advertised as AIO's were actually "all-in-twos," meaning that the absorbent layer of the diaper was detachable.  This would address my concerns about AIO dry-time, but not the cost.  These were in the same price range as traditional AIO's, so not something I wanted to invest in quite yet.

Getting your dog ready for baby

One of my first concerns when I found out I was pregnant with Cozy Baby #2 was our family dog, Bacon (amazing name, right?!).  Our dog is a bundle of cuddles and energy - he's also a rescue dog who came with his fair share of behavioral issues when we adopted him three years ago.  It took a while to get him used to Cozy Baby #1, and it's important to start focusing now on getting him ready for Cozy Baby #2.

So how can we make the transition easier for our dog?  That's a loaded question.

Let's start with whether you buy into the idea that your dog "knows" you're pregnant - Not everyone believes this concept, and I'll admit that I'm not overly confident that my dog has any clue what's going on.  However, the hormonal changes going on inside a pregnant woman does alter our natural "scent" - and smells are something that canines specialize in.  Maybe my dog can tell "something's up," but he's not exactly sure what - Maybe he's known since the minute I got pregnant that a little one was on the way - Who knows.

Going on the assumption that my dog is going to be a bit shocked by a new baby in the house, I want to prep him as best I can.  So let's consider how a baby is going to change our routine.  Right now, you and I both have a pattern for our day - If you have a dog, there are usually certain times the dog is fed, walked, played with, etc.  Will a new baby change these patterns?  Probably.

 

So how do you prepare your dog for these changes?  Start switching up your routine NOW - get your pet used to change and variety.  Break up your long daily walks into more frequent shorter ones.  Feed your dog at slightly varying times each day.  If you think you'll be taking naps during the day (after those lovely "all nighters" with baby), why not start now so that your pet gets used to the idea that your sleep schedule is changing?  This way you can pamper yourself with extra rest AND help your pet

Moving on from there, start to incorporate your "baby gear" into the house - get your dog used to the stroller, crib, swing, etc.  Do you have a small dog like mine?  Does your pet have a knack for getting into things they shouldn't?  Make sure that your pet knows not to sleep or rest in the seat of the stroller & swing.  Teach them that the crib is a "no no" if they are able to climb into it.  We set up our crib months ago to check to see if we'd ever find our dog sleeping in it, under it, or near it - luckily, he's basically ignored it.  What if you plan to take car trips with your animal?  Is the new car seat going to change how you travel with your pet?

It's also time to consider whether you want your dog in your new baby's nursery - I didn't have issues with this when my son was an infant, but I know a number of mothers who kept their animals out of their nurseries.  If you want this separation, look into dog/baby gates that you can install at the entry to your nursery to keep your animal out of the room.  Set up the gate/barrier early so that your animal gets used to the idea that they no longer have access to that room.

What if you have an animal with anxiety or major social issues?

My family makes a point to train our pets from the start - We also are very selective when adopting animals in order to make sure that our pet is safe around children.  But what if your beloved pet was adopted long before you thought about kids and now you're panicking because your animal is not comfortable around small children?

This is an issue better addressed by a professional - Early on in pregnancy you need to work with a trainer to assist you with obedience and socialization concerns.  Professional guidance will help you in making the best decisions for your dog and your new baby.  Check out this link with the ASPCA to assist you in finding professional help.

Creating a Birth Plan - Part One: Labor

Once Cozy Baby #2 became a reality, I was determined to develop a plan for my labor and delivery.  This has been such an important element of my pregnancy that I wanted to share the information with all of you!  With my first child, I had nothing planned - Zero.  This resulted in a stressful birth where I had no clue what was going on and how to answer even the most basic of questions.  I had known that a lot women had "birth plans," but I didn't even know where to start on creating one - I hope that this can help anyone going through a similar situation.

So WHY am I even bothering with this after successfully navigating an unmedicated birth last time without one - Surely I'm better prepared and know what to expect, right?  I don't think so.  First of all, I gave birth to my son six years ago - that's a long time and I've changed a lot since then.  Second, while I was overjoyed at having my son, labor and delivery wasn't a happy experience for me.  Third, I want to make the most of what will likely be my last time giving birth.

Also, just to clarify, this isn't a series that will push "natural birth versus medicated birth" - I support all birth options, even if you choose to go a different route than me.  What's important about giving birth is that YOU are comfortable with what's happening... and that changes from woman to woman.

So let's get started!

• Who?  This is an easy question for me, but might be a hard one for those with large families, or family members planning to fly in from out of town for the delivery - Are those family members expecting to be in the delivery room with you?  Do you WANT them in the delivery room with you?  Do you have older children that you want in the delivery room?  My hospital doesn't allow siblings under the age of 12 - Do you know the policies of your hospital or birthing center?
• Induction: What happens if your labor stalls, or if your labor just DOESN'T start at all?  Have  a plan in place for induction - Do you want to try natural approaches to inducing labor, or are you comfortable starting with medications like Pitocin?  Are you even aware of the natural methods available to you?  Do your research on things like homeopathic/herbal interventions, nipple stimulation, and even acupuncture.
• Hydration: IV's are typical in hospital labors - But what if you'd feel more comfortable eating and drinking during labor?  Talk with you healthcare provider about how they handle hydration during labor so that you know what to expect - and so that you can request alternatives if you aren't satisfied with their normal procedures.
• Contractions and Birth Aids: Have you taken birthing classes that taught you a specific method to "ride through" your contractions?  Do have a preferred approach to handling the pain of contractions - like breathing methods, a birthing ball (my personal favorite), a stool, specific positioning, etc?   Be sure you know how you want to approach your contractions so that the people around you can support you as you work through your labor.
• Monitoring the Baby: I mention this one because it was the MOST frustrating part of my labor experience with my son.  Do you know how your healthcare provider is planning to monitor your baby's heart rate and how often?  Are you comfortable with continuous external monitoring?  What about a scalp monitor?
• Medication: This is the BIG one.  Most conversations about the labor experience start with "medication or no medication?"  Definitely have this planned out - I didn't with my first and it was really confusing to feel pressure from healthcare staff and family to do one or the other without really knowing what I wanted.  Talk to your healthcare provider about the different medication options for pain, how they may impact the progression of your labor, will the medications effect your baby, and what (if any) is the recovery time associated with each option.  Epidurals aren't the only options out there, so educate yourself!
• Episiotomies and Tearing: This was another reality from my first labor - Have you thought about whether you would like to try alternatives like perineal massage before resorting to an episiotomy?  Would you rather tear naturally than have the incision?  Talk to your healthcare provider about their approach to tearing as well so that you're prepared for their advice during labor.
• The Unspeakables: Labor can come with some really unappealing experiences - like urinary catheters, enemas, etc.  Yuck, but sometimes a labor reality, depending on your healthcare provider.  Would you prefer to set the ground rules from the beginning that you don't want either?  Do you not care?  Do you even know when they might be needed?
• Atmosphere: Is the environment in the delivery room really important to you?  Maybe your birthing center has specific options available for lighting, music, and aromatherapy?  If you're giving birth at home, do you know how you want the room set-up?  If you're giving birth in the hospital, what options are available to limit noise? 
• C-Sections: Some women know going into labor that they are having a c-section - you've been advised against a VBAC, your child is deemed too large for vaginal delivery, health concerns, etc.  If you are one of those women, have a very long and detailed conversation with your healthcare provider on what to expect - Length of the procedure, what happens to the baby afterward, what the recovery time is like, etc.  Be educated - this is a major surgery and there is a lot that comes with it, despite the current culture that c-sections are "normal."

This is only the first post in my "Birth Plan Series" - this series will also cover Delivery, Postpartum, Emergencies, and Composing your Birth Plan.  This isn't, of course, going to include every possible consideration - but it'll hit the bigger topics and touch on alternative interventions.

Cloth Diaper Stash 1.0

In gearing up for Baby Cozy #2, we've committed to cloth diapering.  We made this decision based on a few different factors.

1. The primary factor:  COST.  Diaper Decisions has a wonderful cost breakdown which basically lays out that disposable diapers cost roughly $2600 over 2.5 years - where cloth diapers can cost as little as $400 over that same time frame, depending on which cloth diapering methods you use (and how frugal you get with your purchases).
2. Eco-Friendly.  Have you ever stopped to think about how much waste is caused by just one baby's disposable diapers?  I don't even want to think about it... in fact, it makes me mad that I didn't get educated on cloth diapering with my first born.
3. They're so freakin' cute!  Okay.. this isn't a very good factor to have used in my decision making, but given that I'm having a baby girl and the amount of prints and colors available in cloth diapers... I mean, come on!  They're CUTE!

Now that we've made the choice to cloth diaper, I'm aiming to make the most out of cost-savings and try out a lot of different "budget brands" while building our diaper stash - This means that if we come across a brand or style we don't like, it won't kill me to get rid of the diapers that don't work out.  Plus, a side benefit of cloth diapers is re-sale value!  If you no longer need a diaper, or your entire stash, there are ways to sell them for cost-recovery (awesome!).

Here's my first 13 diapers -we're aiming for a stash of 20+ by the time Cozy Baby #2 gets here, and I know that my parents are excited to assist with a couple diapers too, which is fabulous for our goal of cost savings.  I'll be reviewing some of these "budget brands" once the baby is here so that you can see if the savings were worth it.


Diapers 1 & 2: Nono's Baby Pocket Diapers with microfiber inserts
Cost per diaper, including insert: $7.65
Shipping: Free
Details:
1. Face fabric: 100% polyester; Sandwich: green waterproof breathable TPU elastic membrane
2. Snap closures
3. Lining: brushed cloth
4. For babies weighing 6.5-28 pounds

Diapers 3 & 4: Baby City Pocket Diapers with mircofiber inserts
Cost per diaper, including insert: $8.75
Shipping: Free
Details:
1. Outer/Cover Layer is made from New lmproved Thermoplastic Polyurethane (TPU) Laminated Fabric
2. Snap closures
3. For babies weighing 6.5-28 pounds

Diapers 5 though 10:  Kawaii Cross-Over Square Tab Snap One Size Pocket Diapers with mircofiber inserts
Cost per diaper, including insert: $8.33
Shipping: Free
Details:
1. Cross-Over Squared Tab Snap Diaper has cross-over snaps and hip snaps
2. Waterproof, breathable outer made of two layers of TPU laminated fabric and a soft inner lining of micro fleece
3. Snap closures
4. For babies weighing 8-36 pounds

Diapers 11 through 13: Kawaii Baby Organic Cotton Prefolds (x12) with Kawaii Baby One Size Leak-Free Diaper Covers (w/ Snappi Diaper Fasteners)
Cost per diaper, 4 prefolds per cover, plus the cost of Snappi closures: $21.01
Shipping: Free
Details:
1. Prefolds made from 100% Organic Cotton, twill weave, no bleaching agents were used in the growing or manufacturing. Very absorbent, resistance to pilling
2. Snappi provides safe closure for prefolds without the use of old-fashioned diaper pins.
3. Covers utilize aplix closure
4. One-size covers for babies weighing 8-36 pounds
5. Can reuse the same cover between multiple changes, switching out the prefold at each change.
6. Prefolds can also be used with other pocket diapers for additional absorbency.

TOTAL COST: $144.92 | AVERAGE PER-DIAPER COST: $11.09