Why Gender Stereotypes Have No Place in Parenting

Today's post is on a topic that we might not agree on - but that's okay, right?  Today we're talking about "normal" and why I feel that the concept of "normal" simply doesn't exist.

My six year-old son's favorite color is purple.  I've had several people tell me that I should correct this "problem" ... Why?  Purple is a perfectly fine color - I personally have always floated more to the cooler end of the color spectrum myself, so I can also appreciate that purple is a lovely color - though my personal favorite is dark green... Wait, is that a "problem" too?

You see, purple is a GIRL color and green is a BOY color - so clearly my son and I are completely mixed up and are in need of swapping our favorite colors in order to fit into the "normal" and "good" classifications of color preferences... right?

Perhaps the above example seems silly, but it's something that I've fought against since the minute my son was born.  You see, I don't buy into gender stereotyping.  I think it's an antiquated idea that has no room in modern society.

I have this opinion because I was a tomboy - I loved climbing trees, playing soccer, and wearing jeans.  As a little girl, I hated dresses, couldn't stand the color pink, and never liked when boys got picked before me when playing sports because I was an athlete - not a "girl."

In raising my son, my husband and I made a conscious effort to allow him to like what he liked and not force our opinions on him.  The result?  A little boy that loves zombies, swimming, rough-housing, and video games... AND My Little Ponies, the color purple, and pink bubble bath.

What's the harm in a boy liking pink toys or watching Pixie Hollow movies?  It's probably the worry that the little boy will grow up to be gay, right?  What's the harm in a little girl that prefers legos and monster movies over Barbie and unicorns?  It's probably the worry that the little girl will grow up to be gay, right?

Firstly, that's a ridiculous idea - just because a boy likes pink does not mean he's gay.  Second, if he ended up gay, who cares?  As parents, we need to embrace our children's personal identity.  It's become such a controversial idea to simply LOVE our kids for who they are, if who they are doesn't fit into a "cookie cutter" definition of what society views as "normal."

As parents, can we just agree that there is NO such thing as normal?  Can we also agree that our children are not ourselves and they might grow into adults that choose to live a lifestyle that's a little different from ours, and that's still okay?  We moms and dads can only do our best - encourage your child to love others and be a productive member of society - whether they decide to do it wearing a pink or green shirt really doesn't matter.

Portpartum Survival Kit - Vaginal Birth

Let me start this post by saying that I am literally LIVING with this survival kit right now - I gave birth six days ago and the list of "goodies" below have saved me from a lot of discomfort.  Every woman is different and every delivery is different, so if you've found other ways to assist in the postpartum healing process, definitely let me know!

For an uncomplicated vaginal delivery, there's really not a whole lot that us ladies can do to limit some of the pain and discomfort - your uterus is contracting back to it's pre-baby size, your breasts are sore, and the pain "down there" is super uncomfortable.  One of the side-effects of an uncomplicated delivery is also that most doctor's won't prescribe you any super "cray cray" pain medications either (which I consider a GOOD thing).  So what can we do to help our bodies?  Here's my super short list of easy to find and super affordable "postpartum survival kit" goodies:

Breast Care

1. Nursing Sports Bra: I purchased several bras for nursing prior to delivery, but the two that I have on a constant wash/use cycle right now are my two nursing sports bras.  They are much more comfortable than the under-wire options I have, and they are easier to shove to the side for the super frequent feedings you'll have with your newborn.  I bought mine at Motherhood Maternity during a bra sale - if you have one of these stores (or one like it) in your area, ask them when their next sale will be and plan to buy in bulk before baby is born - My bras, sports and otherwise, averaged $10-$15 each - super cheap!
2. Nursing Pads: Your nipples WILL hurt.  You can try going without a bra, but you'll quickly find that the friction from your shirt hurts too much.  Putting a nursing pad inside of your bra will protect the bra from leakage and limit friction on your nipples.  These are available in cloth and disposable options - Cloth is a little harder to find, but the disposable ones are pretty much available anywhere that sells baby or maternity gear.  I opted to buy cloth ones (I'm a cloth mom, what can I say?) and use one pair each day, one pair overnight.  In total I bought 10 pairs for less than $5 each, but I'm sure that you can find cheaper options on EBay if you're super interested in cloth.  Disposable pads typically come in packs of 30-50 for less than $10.
3. Lanolin Cream: I use lanolin cream twice daily on my nipples to sooth the ache from having an infant that is still learning to latch properly.  This is a miracle cream!  It will keep your nipples from cracking, will calm pain, and it doesn't need to be washed off before breastfeeding, as it is completely safe for baby.  Depending on the brand, you can get lanolin for $10-$20 per tube.  I opted for Lansinoh because it is a truly "one ingredient" cream - check your cream's ingredients for additives!

Prescribed Medications

1. Stool Softener: My doctors for both of my pregnancies prescribed Colace (Docusate Sodium) as a stool softener following my vaginal births.  Because you are so sensitive, and many women have stitches to deal with, a stool softener helps to limit pain and pressure when you're "taking care of business."
2. Pain Medication: This will vary from woman to woman (allergies may also play a factor) and may also vary depending on your doctor.  I have had two unmedicated deliveries with mild to moderate tearing and I was given 600mg Motrin after both.  Talk with your doctor about your options - I preferred any option that would limit my intake of medication - some women don't really care and just want to be comfortable.  Be sure to educate yourself on your options. 

Care for "Down There"

1. Super Absorbency Feminine Pads: You'll be bleeding for several weeks following delivery - the first week, this flow is will likely mimic a heavy period.  I opted to get the largest pads I could find to cover this first few weeks because I didn't want to worry about staining on my clothing and I would also be using witch hazel pads (see below) so I wanted to get a pad that would absorb that liquid too.  You can get cloth pads if you like, though I've never been able to wrap my head around the idea of a reusable feminine hygiene product (I guess I just lost my "crunchy mom" card).  Disposable pads should be available at any drug or grocery store.
2. Witch Hazel Pads: Pre-moistened witch hazel pads act as a natural, cooling and relieving astringent during your first week(s) postpartum.  If you give birth in a hospital, this should be something that you get sent home with, but I found that the amount you get for free typically only lasts a day.  I wasn't able to find pre-moistened pads in any stores, so I bought witch hazel on it's own (this is available nearly everywhere - try CVS or stores like it) and large circular cotton pads (try your local store's makeup section for these - just do NOT get the exfoliating kind!).  Witch hazel and the cotton pads are only a few dollars each.
3. Peri Bottle: This is another freebie for hospital moms - if you don't give birth in a hospital, peri bottle's are actually kind of hard to find - but any drug store will have travel sized squeeze bottles, which work just as well.  You aren't able to wipe yourself down there at first (pleasant thought, I know), so you'll use the peri bottle to squeeze warm water to cleanse yourself. 
4. Anesthetic Spray: This is totally optional, but something I've totally bought into.  Some moms say they don't work, others swear by them.  I use the Dermoplast Pain Relieving Spray, which is simply a no-touch benzocaine spray.  Benzocaine is an over the counter topical pain reliever that has no proven negative impact on the environment and is considered safe for use by most women - there is the potential to be allergic to it though, so talk to your doctor before use.

Have anything to add?  

I'd love to hear what worked for you during your recovery from a vaginal delivery!  Every woman is different, so I'd love to hear your thoughts.  If there's a desire for it, I can also write a post on C-Section recovery - just let me know if you'd like to see that.

Safe Cosmetics Brand Review: philosophy

About the Brand

By now, you've probably heard of philosophy - they are a super trendy brand of "inspirational beauty" beauty products with super cute packaging and wide range of variety in offerings - we're talking everything from lip balm to shampoo to moisturizers to shower gels and everything in between.  On their website you'll read that their "promise is to deliver remarkable products that inspire you to live a better life by being better to yourself."

They also discuss the "science" of their products (which is what I'm mostly interested in). Their website states that "philosophy skin care offers revolutionary ingredients, breakthrough formulas and advanced technology. It is designed to not only deliver dramatic results but to enhance the integrity of your skin." 

That sounds awesome! Seems, to the casual observer, that this brand should be a healthy mix of products that should promote healthy skin and hair.  On a side note: From a "frugal" perspective, this is NOT a budget brand and many of their products are very, very pricy... But is it a "safe" brand that's worth the price?

Safe or Not?

First and foremost, it should be said that philosophy does NOT advertise themselves as an all-natural brand, so it wouldn't be right to not address that before moving on.  As a result, they have a combination of both "safe" and "not" products on the market - you just need to do your research to figure out what to avoid.  They are a brand that follows the newer trends in chemical formulas for quick results and "high quality" fragrances.

With that said, many of philosophy's products are NOT "safe" - The amount of fragrances alone make the vast majority of their products an issue from, if nothing else, an allergen perspective.  Since their brand is so diverse, let's take a look at few of their products:

The Good

Keep The Peace Protective Color Corrector: This product is advertised to camouflage redness, smooth the appearance of fine lines, pores and uneven texture and it leaves behind a smooth, satin finish.  It's also a relativity "safe" product, with only one ingredient of note - Phenocyethanol can cause toxicity issues, is an eye irritant, and a known allergen.  If you actually read the ingredients label on this one, it's all chemicals, but generally those considered safe for use... but this product also costs $32 here in the US, so I'd recommend shopping around for a more natural and less expensive color corrector.

Just Release Me Eye Makeup Remover: I really like this one - among the "affordable" members of philosophy's makeup line, this product is advertised as an "oil-free eye makeup remover that gently yet effectively breaks down and removes the toughest eye makeup, even waterproof makeup, without irritating eyes."  As with the previous product, there is really only one ingredient that causes alarm - Benzalkonium Chloride.  This is a preservative that can cause allergies and severe skin irritation.  On the positive side, the product also contains super ingredients like aloe, chamomile and cucumber extracts.

Kiss Me Exfoliating Lip Scrub & Facial:  Sadly, it doesn't look like this product is offered by philosophy any longer - I've actually used it in the past and loved it.  Phenoxyethanol was the only worry with this product - it is a preservative and fragrance agent that has proven evidence of skin and immune system toxicity and is an allergen.  Other than that, this was actually one of my favorite philosophy products - too bad it's no longer for sale!

The Bad

Eternal Grace Spray Fragrance:  SO much to say about this one - but if you'd rather skip ahead, simply put, I would never use this.  The ingredients in this range from those that could cause massive allergy issues for the user, to those that cause endocrine disruption, organ toxicity, developmental and reproductive toxicity, ecotoxicology, and more.  Some ingredients of note include Oxybenzone, Lilial, and Citral.  Take my advice and consider natural fragrances versus those made from chemical compounds.

Shampoo, Shower Gel & Bubble Bath, Mangos & Cream: This 3-in-1 product runs just shy of $100 for 32oz... Ouch!  On top of that, it contains DMDM hydantoin, which is an antimicrobial formaldehyde releaser preservative.  This ingredient is known to cause skin toxicity issues and there is also evidence that shows it can cause cancer.  CANCER - From your bubble bath.  Not good.

Kiss Me Color Lip Shine: Another relic of philosophy's past that is no longer available, this product was another member of the "cancer club," containing BHT - an ingredient that not only is a carcinogen, but also an allergen and known to cause developmental and reproductive toxicity issues.  This product also contains MULTIPLE endocrine disruptors like Oxybenzone and Octinoxate.  Thank goodness it's no longer on the market!

Final Thoughts

While it's not fair to hold philosophy to an "all natural" standard that they've never claimed, it is a bit discouraging to find so few "safe" products in their catalog.  I personally can't afford to buy a lot of their products to begun with, so I'd say your best bet would be to search for more natural and cost effective alternatives.

Welcome Cozy Baby #2!

Born 2/17/15, weighing in at 8lbs, 0oz and measuring 20inches long - Our little girl!

Childproofing your iPad

Let's face it - most of us are going to have children that end up MUCH more tech-savvy than we are... and typically this aptitude for electronics is happening early!  My 6 year-old is incredibly skilled at getting onto a computer, phone, iPad - you name it.  I'm not even sure where he picked up the skills or who taught him.

So here's the question - In a world with nearly unlimited access to things that we would NEVER want our children to see, read, or hear, how do we "childproof" our electronics, while still allowing them to grow and learn in our hugely technological society?  Let's start simple.  The iPad.

The key to managing your iPad's safety is in the "Setting" icon.  Everything you'll need can be found here - Restrictions, Wifi, Passcode options, etc.  Make yourself familiar with all of the tabs in this area so that you know how to enable and disable the different features on your device.  This is SUPER important for parents who want to allow their kids to use their electronics, but want a firm control on what their child can do when using them.

Step One: Passcode

The most basic way to protect your child - and your iPad - is to create a passcode (or password) which will lock your device when not in use.  This means that if your especially curious child does manage to get their little hands on the iPad when you aren't looking, they still won't be able to actually use it.

Step Two: Restrictions

This is the most important way to limit your child's access to inappropriate material.  A lot of parents just aren't sure HOW to go about it, so here's a walk through - Open up Settings (I love that icon!) and go to "General Settings" which is an option located on the left side of the screen.  Then, click on "Restrictions" which should pop up on the lower right, as seen below:

Once there, you will have the ability to select what security features you would like to enable or disable.  You also set a separate passcode for restrictions, just in case your child figures out your main passcode.  There are a lot of different options, so here's a breakdown:

 

I opt to disable EVERYTHING except use of the camera - you may not be so strict!  However, I do have a few reasons for limiting my child so much.

• By turning off the "iTunes Store," "Installing Apps" and "In-App Purchases" you have completely avoided the worry that your child may accidentally spend money while using the iPad.  
• Disabling the "Deleting Apps" option stops your child from accidentally removing games or other apps from your device.
• "Safari" is Apple's web browser.  I prefer to sit with my child when he's on the actual "internet" and by disabling this, I don't need to worry about him stumbling across a website that he shouldn't be on.
• Options like "Siri" or "FaceTime" are just simply features that I don't see my child using, so why give him the option?  I have a specific plan in mind during my child's "media time" and it's important to me that he uses the time on games or apps that I have approved - not messing around with random features that don't have any real purpose.

Another area of the "Restrictions" page is "Allowed Content," which is extremely important if you opt to allow your child on apps like YouTube or Netflix, or if you aren't sure on the appropriateness of certain apps.

Here are my settings, but you might need yours altered based on your child's age.  Just click on each sub-section to see the options and pick what works best for you.

Don't Worry - It's Not Permanent!

The thing to keep in mind is that your restrictions can be quickly changed by you at ANY time.  As your child grows, or if you have children in different age groups, it takes only a few swipes of your finger to adjust the settings.

It's extremely easy to have an iPad that the entire family can share - including you, for your Sons of Anarchy binges on Netflix (not that I watch that show or anything...)