Raising an Independent Child

One of the things that I knew, from the minute I found out I was pregnant with my first child, was that I wanted to raise children who would be independent.  I wanted my child to be self sufficient and a problem solver.  I didn't want my child leaning on me for everything - I want to raise my kids knowing that they are powerful enough to solve their own problems, and that I'd be there to back them up if they need extra help.

But that's easier said than done.  As a parent, it's hard to watch your child struggle through an issue - You want to step in and solve it for them.  Our children are the joy of our lives and it KILLS us to think that our children will need to face challenges alone.

When our children are younger, we have an opportunity to build internal strength in them.  In approaching the small challenges in the pre-school and kindergarten years with an empowering outlook, we can help our children learn a nature self sufficiency that they will carry with them as they grow... Here's what I mean:

What do you think?

Don't offer up solutions and advice to your child's problems at the beginning of any struggle.  Ask them what THEY think they should do.  Get their thoughts and ideas - help them brainstorm their own solutions.  Once they've decided on a course of action, help them to either follow through or adjust their plan if you think they need more support.  

Tell them you understand

We've all been there.  We've been in a class without friends and been scared that no one will ever like us.  We've been made fun of or bullied.  Children may encounter their first episodes of social rejection at a very young age.  Let them know that you've been there.  Let them know that it gets better.  Support them and step in if the situation is severe enough - But most of all, empower them.

  

Get outside & make friends

It's really easy nowadays to have kids indoors on the computer or playing video games more often than not - The culture of the "two income household" is upon us and we parents are often so exhausted by the end of the week that we can forget how important it is to get our kids outside.  Meeting other children and playing at the local park helps to build a child's social skills, which can help them become more independent.  Be sure that you encourage building friendships so that your children have consistent interaction with other kids their age.

Let them do it alone

If you aide/assist/help your child do every little thing, they'll never feel empowered to accomplish anything alone.  Teach your child to tie their shoes and then leave them to it.  You don't need to help your child dress once they've figured out the mechanics themselves.  Establish boundaries on both sides - let your child know that they have things that they can accomplish alone, and that some things aren't safe yet (for example, reaching a top shelf in the kitchen for a glass), so they should ask you for help in those areas.

Expand their minds

Reading.  I can't say it enough.  Make sure that you are empowering your child's fascination with the world around them.  Books are a window into the larger world and can help your child develop critical thinking skills which will help them in their problem solving.  I've done an entire post on the importance of reading, which you can read here.

Talk to them

One of the things that I wish my parents had done more with me as a child was just talking to me.  It's hard to feel supported and empowered when you feel like your parents don't know or understand you.  Ask your child how their day went.  Ask your child what they want to do this weekend.  Ask you child what makes them feel happy.  Get to know your child.

Review: NewAir Outdoor Misting Fan, AF-520B

If you're new to my blog, you may not know that I recently relocated to the central valley of California.  The weather here is NUTS - super dry all year-round, and crazy HOT during the spring and summer (we're talking 100°+ for six months out of the year - yuck).  So when I had the chance to try out the NewAir Outdoor Misting Fan, I jumped at it (it's the AF-520B model if you want to check one out!).  

Assembly

While the fan arrived in an impressively sized box, there was still assembly required.  Luckily, I've spent hours putting together modular furniture in the past, so I figured this would be a breeze.  The fan came in five large pieces, taking around five to ten minutes to put together.  As far as what you'll need - all it takes is a phillips-head screwdriver (though I had to use two - one small, one large).  The instructions were a little confusing, but I was able to figure them out once I re-read a few parts and consulted the handy diagrams they included.  I felt that the fan itself was really high quality and well designed, which is huge plus.

Indoor Use

This fan is technically an "outdoor misting fan" but I gave it a go inside first, just to make sure everything worked right.  While you will have the water tubing to deal with (I wrapped it around the base of the fan), it works just fine inside - the fan is a good size and the three different speed settings make it work for small and large rooms.

Outdoor Misting Use

My son was so excited to hook up the fan to water and give the misting a try - what I really liked was the "on" and "off" switch for the water - I can imagine this will help me avoid future "accidental misting" issues when setting up the fan :)  The set up was fairly simple, but I did have to use an extension cord because the plug on the fan was too large to hook up to our exterior power outlet, which has a safety cover (as most outdoor outlets do, I would assume).  

Once the water was going, I knew I was in LOVE with this fan.  The amount of "mist" is perfect - keeps you cool but doesn't drench you - and once the weather heats up, I can see my family using this thing A LOT.  Depending on how far you want the misting to spray, you can increase or decrease the speed of the fan.  The product itself is very sturdy as well, so I can see it handling windy days with no problems.

Final Thoughts

If you had asked me before trying this fan whether I would want to buy it or not, I probably would have said no.  Who needs a fan that shoots water at you??  ... but now that I've tried it, I'd recommend it to anyone that lives somewhere hot.  This fan might actually get us outside more in the summer, which will mean a lot to my kids. If you want more information on this product, check out the NewAir website or like them on Facebook!

Demonstration

Here's a quick video showing the fan in action!  Take a look:

Relocating with Kids - Tips for Parents

It's been several weeks now since my family made a 300 mile move from coastal Southern California to the desert-like Central Valley of California... these 300 miles have taken my family to an entirely different climate, in a city with a very different community than the one we left behind.

Parents can have a million different reasons for relocating their families (mine was for work) but the one consistent challenge is how to make the relocation comfortable for their kids.  Some kids love the idea of going to a new place and meeting new people - others, typically those in school, don't want to leave their friends behind and are afraid of what going to a new place might mean.

So what can we do?

Don't hide the relocation from your child.  It might be tempting to leave the news of a big move hidden until the last minute so that your child doesn't worry about it... But I'm of the opinion that it might actually hurt to do that more than help.  Communicate with your child and let them know what's going on - this gives them time to ask you questions, say goodbye to friends, and (perhaps most importantly) they can feel involved in the process of moving with you - not excluded.

I believe in empowering children - I also don't think kids are unaware of change.  Your child will realize something's going on, so just be honest with them.  It was such a relief to tell my son that we were moving - I had been stressing about it from the minute I accepted my new position, and he actually took the news A LOT better than I thought he would.

Get your child involved.  House hunting was a bit of an issue when having to do it from 300 miles away, so we had to make what turned out to be several trips to pick a house and complete all that lovely paperwork that comes along with it.  My husband and I had debated having only him travel to look at potential houses, given that I was pregnant and our son was in school, but in the end we decided to plan the trip during one of our son's school breaks and we went as a family.  I can't tell you how much this helped our son!

He was able to walk through each house, decide where his room would be, tell us if he did or didn't like something, etc.  He felt like his opinion really mattered - and it did.  We also drove by the elementary schools near each house to show him what school he would go to if we moved there.  He got to see the playgrounds, how far the school would be from our house, and he was able to tell us if he didn't get a good feeling from what he saw.

Here he is with our house!

Don't forget your family time.  Moving is stressful whether you have zero kids or 10.  Us parents are often running around like crazy people trying to pack in advance, help kids with homework, make bottles for baby, go to work, and eventually fit sleep into the schedule.  It's HARD to move with kids.

But, especially with long distance moves, don't forget the value of quality time with your child.  Moving is just as stressful on them as it is on you.  They are leaving everything they know behind, just like you are!  Let your child know that you understand their feelings, that this move will be wonderful in the end, and that you still have time to play games and be with them despite all of the change.

In the end, you're moving as a family - so still make time to be a strong family unit.  Your family unit will be critical for ALL of you once you move - It will be the cornerstone for everyone's emotional well-being, so make time for it!

Family health & Air filters - Natural options?

I recently relocated to the Central Valley of California - it's been a lot of adjusting from the life of a coastal city with clean, moist air to a desert climate with dry, polluted air.  Because I have two small children (and a husband with severe allergies) I've been looking into ways to filter the air in our home to limit any potential allergy and respiratory issues.

One thing that we parents should keep in mind when considering our family's/children's respiratory health is the fact that indoor air is often up to 5 times more toxic than outdoor air - so if you live in an area with poor air quality, your indoor environment is probably not the safe haven you were hoping for.

What's in your air?

There's a lot of things you may not even know to worry about when it comes to indoor air quality - your family is breathing in A LOT of nasty stuff on a daily basis - Where you live, and even what you do for a living, can bring extra (or eliminate some) toxins.  Here's an idea of what you and your children are breathing:

• Carbon dioxide (CO₂)
• Artificial Fragrances
• Dust
• Toxic vapors
• Volatile organic compounds (VOCs)
• Off-gas emissions from furniture, carpets, and paints
• Dust mites
• Microbial contaminants, fungi, molds, and bacteria
• Ozone

How can you filter your air?

So now that we know our indoor air is likely more toxic than the outdoor air and that our indoor air is filled with gross stuff, what can we do?

The easiest and most obvious solution is to buy some form of air filtration device(s) - the problem with these is often the cost.  A system that will filter your entire home can cost thousands of dollars, depending on how "fancy" you want to go.  If that's too much, you can get free-standing air filters.  Generally, for a medium to large room, you're looking at an investment of over $100 for one of these - and you'll need one for every room.  When you consider all of the rooms in your home, you're looking at a pretty high price tag here as well.

However, the cost is often worth it if you're able to manage it - in addition to filtering toxins out of the air, these filters with assist with dust and large particles present in the air of your home.

Natural Alternatives

Please, DON'T stop with air filters - you have more options! ...and these may surprise you!

In the late 1980's, NASA published their Clean Air Study, which included a list of plants - yes, I said plants - that naturally filter and clean air.  These plants, depending on which you purchase, can filter many VOC's out of your indoor air - including benzene, formaldehyde, ammonia, toluene, xylene, and trichloroethene.

What's even better is that these plants can been extremely cost effective - and, as someone who lacks a "green thumb," I was glad to see that a few are also extremely hardy plants that can survive with little care.

In each room of your house, have several house plants stationed to assist in filtering your air - if you have a large home, you'll need to pick up a few extra for the added space they are filtering, but in general, 2-3 plants per room is a good rule of thumb.  Some of these plants can cost less than $10 each, so this is a massive savings over air filtering devices.

One thing that should be noted: These plants do not filter dust and large particles - that's what air filtration systems and devices are for.  I've opted to combine plant based filtering AND air filters in my home to clean as much as possible.

What plants should you buy?  

The variety is impressive - succulents, ferns and palms, flowers, etc.  Depending on your skill at keeping house plants alive (my success rate is pretty low, unfortunately), here's a list of recommendations - you can see the complete list from NASA's Clean Air Study here.

Beginners - No Green Thumb Required
Snake Plant & English Ivy are two hardy and easy to care for plants that will assist in filtering air.  Snake Plant is my strongest recommendation, as it filters benzene, formaldehyde, toluene, xylene, and trichloroethene all by itself - it's a superstar air filter.  English Ivy is a champ at filtering formaldehyde, which is likely the biggest toxin present in most homes.  Both of these plants require minimal light and don't need to be watered often.

Intermediate - Need a little TLC
The Peace Lily and Lady Palm are two highly effective air filters, but each requires a bit of work to maintain.  Peace Lily's excel at absorbing acetone and benzene - but they are toxic to animals, so they would need to be under close observation if you have pets.  Lady Palms are wonderful to have because they suck up ammonia, which can damage the respiratory system - but, they take a long time to grow, so you need to be patient with this one.

 

Advanced - Green Thumbs Only

Where most air filtering plants are ferns or vines, the Chrysanthemum and Moth Orchid have beautiful blooms that make them among the most beautiful house plants you could add to your collection.  Chrysanthemum's are also one of the most efficient air filters - they tackle benzene, formaldehyde, ammonia, toluene, xylene, and trichloroethene.  Moth Orchid's are also effective at absorbing toluene and xylene - both common in homes.  However, because of the floral nature of these plants, they do require a lot of sun and more consistent watering that most.  You'll need to tend to these plants frequently to keep them thriving.

Why Gender Stereotypes Have No Place in Parenting

Today's post is on a topic that we might not agree on - but that's okay, right?  Today we're talking about "normal" and why I feel that the concept of "normal" simply doesn't exist.

My six year-old son's favorite color is purple.  I've had several people tell me that I should correct this "problem" ... Why?  Purple is a perfectly fine color - I personally have always floated more to the cooler end of the color spectrum myself, so I can also appreciate that purple is a lovely color - though my personal favorite is dark green... Wait, is that a "problem" too?

You see, purple is a GIRL color and green is a BOY color - so clearly my son and I are completely mixed up and are in need of swapping our favorite colors in order to fit into the "normal" and "good" classifications of color preferences... right?

Perhaps the above example seems silly, but it's something that I've fought against since the minute my son was born.  You see, I don't buy into gender stereotyping.  I think it's an antiquated idea that has no room in modern society.

I have this opinion because I was a tomboy - I loved climbing trees, playing soccer, and wearing jeans.  As a little girl, I hated dresses, couldn't stand the color pink, and never liked when boys got picked before me when playing sports because I was an athlete - not a "girl."

In raising my son, my husband and I made a conscious effort to allow him to like what he liked and not force our opinions on him.  The result?  A little boy that loves zombies, swimming, rough-housing, and video games... AND My Little Ponies, the color purple, and pink bubble bath.

What's the harm in a boy liking pink toys or watching Pixie Hollow movies?  It's probably the worry that the little boy will grow up to be gay, right?  What's the harm in a little girl that prefers legos and monster movies over Barbie and unicorns?  It's probably the worry that the little girl will grow up to be gay, right?

Firstly, that's a ridiculous idea - just because a boy likes pink does not mean he's gay.  Second, if he ended up gay, who cares?  As parents, we need to embrace our children's personal identity.  It's become such a controversial idea to simply LOVE our kids for who they are, if who they are doesn't fit into a "cookie cutter" definition of what society views as "normal."

As parents, can we just agree that there is NO such thing as normal?  Can we also agree that our children are not ourselves and they might grow into adults that choose to live a lifestyle that's a little different from ours, and that's still okay?  We moms and dads can only do our best - encourage your child to love others and be a productive member of society - whether they decide to do it wearing a pink or green shirt really doesn't matter.

What's In Your Baby Shampoo?

As you've probably figured out, two of my passions are safe cosmetics and being an "Eco-Mom" - today I want to combine those ideas!  Over the past few weeks I've talked about nail polish, hair care... even makeup remover - But what about the hygiene products that we use on our children?  There is, unfortunately, just as much of an opportunity for nasty chemicals to sneak their way into our toddler and infant products as they do our own hair and skin care.  One product in particular has always bothered me - Baby Shampoo.

Looking at the ingredient labels on shampoos - baby or otherwise - is generally a test on your language skills.  Chemical compounds that are virtually unpronounceable are in almost every single shampoo product out there.  So how can you figure out which shampoo is best for your baby?

Generally speaking, the baby shampoo market is "safer" than adult shampoos - a lot of the SUPER nasty stuff doesn't get included in products designed for infants... typically.  But even some of the most popular baby brands still include ingredients that are really unhealthy for a growing baby.

First, we'll look at Aveeno Baby Wash and Shampoo.  This formula is advertised as tear-free, gentle, and moisturizing.  In the US, 12fl oz. go for around $9.00, depending on the retailer.  Aveeno is also a really popular brand for baby lotions, creams, oils - you name it.


This is NOT, however, a product I would use with my baby.  Why?

Gastrointestinal and liver toxicity?  Immune and allergenic effects?  Respiratory toxicant?  Environmental toxins?  Yikes!  To be fair, these ingredients are in very limited quantities - but they're still there.  Given that this is such a popular brand and SO easy to find, are there any better alternatives?

Next we'll look at Babyganics Night Time Shampoo + Body Wash.  Just by looking at it, this one seems more hopeful - "ganics" as in  "ORganics!"  Perfect!  This formula has no parabens, sulfates, phthalates, mineral oil, petrolatum, gluten, artificial fragrances or dyes - wonderful!  This one costs around $12.00 for 18fl oz. here in the US, so it's even a bit more cost effective than the Aveeno option.

But... it's not all perfection.  Here's why:

Nervous system toxicity is NOT something I want in my baby's shampoo. On top of that, this product also contains fragrances (though non-artificial), just like Aveeno.  So while this brand is certainly an improvement, it's not quite where I'd like it to be.

By now, you're probably thinking that it's time to open up Pinterest and look into DIY baby shampoo, huh?  While that's a wonderful idea - and one I'll cover in another blog post - there is one store bought baby shampoo that combines convenience in availability with a lack of harmful ingredients.

Burt's Bees Baby Bee Shampoo & Wash, Fragrance Free - this is as close to "safe" as you're going to get at any major retailers.  For $9.00, you can get a 12fl oz. bottle and this brand has become so popular that even Target and WalMart stock almost their entire catalog in their stores.

This is a tear-free and plant-based formula made with aloe, soy proteins, and oat flour.  It does contain sodium benzoate, which has has been deemed safe for use but is a restricted ingredient in large quantities when used with cosmetics... So it's not perfect as a product, but it's pretty close.

The bottom line as a parent is simply to educate yourself - know what chemicals are in your baby's shampoos, detergents, wipes, etc.  This will help you in making the best purchasing decisions for your family.

Want more on safe products for baby?  Check this out!

Creating a Birth Plan - Part Three: Postpartum

Labor and delivery are over and you're now the proud parent of a beautiful baby boy or girl (maybe both!) - But, the planning doesn't stop there.  While you've delivered your child, the journey of giving birth is not quite over yet for you and your little one.

Your postpartum care will be, in part, determined by the manner of your delivery - this includes the type of facility (or home) that you give birth in.  For home deliveries, customization and comfort will be more readily available.  For hospital births, your options may be more limited because of standard procedures in place at your hospital's labor and delivery ward.  The important thing to remember, though, is that options STILL exist.  Plan ahead and know what to expect.

• Breastfeeding:  One of the most difficult aspects of my postpartum experience with my son was breastfeeding.  I had a lactation consultant assist me when I encountered trouble and even then I wasn't as successful as I hoped I'd be.  Prior to delivery, do your research - maybe even take a class about it.  Determine the lactation assistance available at your hospital or birthing center and know at what point you'd like to have help brought in.  You should also look into breast pumps, just in case those are necessary for your child to consume breast milk.  Research baby formulas if you do not plan, or are unable, to breastfeed.
• Pain Management:  It goes without saying that you'll be slightly uncomfortable (if not MORE than slightly) following the birth of your child - whether you give birth vaginally, via c-section, with or without medication.  Discuss your pain management options with your doctor and determine what you're comfortable with - acetaminophen, percoset, etc.  If you know that you'll be having a c-section, discuss what your wound care routine will be and the timeline of recovery.
• Hospital Stay:  For those of you giving birth in a hospital, be sure that you know what normal procedure is for hospital stays for all birth options - For vaginal unmedicated, many hospitals will plan for a discharge 24 hours following birth.  For vaginal deliveries with an epidural, it might be extended.  That extension will go even further with a c-section.  Plan ahead and know what to expect.  Perhaps there is flexibility and you can opt to get out of the hospital sooner.  Discuss these options with your doctor and pack your hospital bag accordingly.
• Nursery or In Room?:  This wasn't even an option for me, but it should still be discussed for hospital deliveries.  Once you've been moved to your recovery room, would you like your child to remain in your recovery room with you, or would you prefer that your baby be taken to the hospital's nursery?  If you'd prefer the nursery, would you like your baby brought to you for feedings or would you allow the hospital staff to bottle-feed?
• Baby's First Vaccination:  Controversial topic warning!  Another consideration for a hospital birth is when and whether you would like your baby's first vaccination administered.  A pediatrician will be monitoring your child while you are in recovery and during their rounds, in the United States at least, you will given the choice to have the Hepatitis B vaccination given.  Will you be following a traditional or an altered vaccine schedule for your child?
• Circumcision:  For those moms expecting little boys, there is the question of circumcision.  This can also be a contentious topic, so I will only say that you have the option as a parent to elect to have your son circumcised, or to not have them circumcised.  The decision is yours so be sure you know the method used at your hospital and what the care instructions would be should you elect to have the procedure done.
• Guests:  Another important consideration for your recovery is who you would like to come to the hospital to visit with you and your new baby.  It's important for those giving birth in a hospital to know their hospital's rules on visitors who are under-aged, and if those policies change during flu season.  Know what visiting hours you have available and plan accordingly.  I personally chose to limit my visitors to my sisters and my parents... the woman who shared a recovery room with me opted to have 1,000,000 people with her from the minute visiting hours started until the minute they ended.

Up Next!

Hopefully this gave you a few things to think about when considering your options for postpartum care.  Next I'll be discussing emergencies - the least fun part of this series.   However, I feel it's important to plan for everything - even if it means thinking about unplanned c-sections and NICU stays.

Conflicting Feelings, My Pregnancy With Baby #2

As a mother who'd secretly been hoping for a second child since about... three seconds following the birth of my first, I was a bit shocked at my reactions throughout my pregnancy with Baby #2.

I have been constantly conflicted.

You see, my son is six - he's in kindergarten and finally starting to spread his wings and become a more independent little creature.  It's a joy to watch him make new friends, learn new things, and start to truly appreciate the world around him.

For the past several months, though, my pregnancy has forced me to take a step back from my son's adventures due to various complications that kept me a home in bed, while my husband went to school functions, birthday parties, etc.

I've found myself frustrated - even angry - that I was MISSING OUT on my son in order to bring this new baby into the world.  Those feelings, not at all aimed at my unborn daughter - more of a reaction to my own limitations - shocked me.  I never would have thought that I'd be one of those "miserable pregnant ladies" ... But I think I am sometimes.  So what can I do to stop this cycle of frustration and anger in order to enjoy both my son and my pregnancy?

Accept Your Limitations

I think that we moms do occasionally hold ourselves to the "Super Mom" standard - we think that we should be able to anything and everything... and then we get upset when we can't.  It's important that we accept the fact that, while we're pretty amazing, we are NOT Super Woman.  During pregnancy, our bodies are going through so much - It's okay to be tired.  It's okay to stay in bed an extra hour and let your husband cook breakfast.  It's okay to miss the daily school drop-off because you've got severe morning sickness.

IT'S OKAY.  We can't be everywhere, we can't do everything.  Accepting that you can't do it all is the first step in limiting your frustrations when you're aren't there for EVERYTHING.  My son loves running into the room to show off a project and to let me know his spelling test scores.  He knows that his little sister is in my belly that it makes me tired sometimes... and you know what?  He understands.  He's only six and he manages to cut me more slack than I do.

Enjoy the Little Things

Recently my son participated in a Spell-A-Thon at school and parents were invited to sit in to watch as the kids all took a spelling-bee style test.  I'd worked with Baby #1 on his words at home and while he wasn't 100% perfect with everything, I knew he'd do extremely well.  That practice at home was so much fun - he started quizzing me too and it ended in fits of giggles as I tried to spell "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" (I couldn't, by the way).

The day of the Spell-A-Thon arrived and I couldn't make it - between feeling incredibly rundown (did I mention I'm 9 months pregnant?), having extremely swollen feet that made walking a problem, AND work, I had to miss it.  My husband attended in my place... and I was miserable.  I wanted to be there SO badly.  So, instead of enjoying the memory of those giggles from preparing for the Spell-A-Thon, I could only focus on the fact that I wasn't there for the main event.

...and that's not fair to me or to my son.  We had an absolute BLAST studying his spelling words and he shared the entire story about the Spell-A-Thon with me that night at home.  These moments doing homework - while they may not stick out as "monumental" in the grand scheme of things - are still important and I should still be able to enjoy them, not focus on all of the other things that I couldn't participate in.

Super Mom Image (c) Rogue Attire

When Life Throws You Lemons...

You can finish that phrase, right?  We're all supposed to make lemonade... right?  Well, sometimes us moms are thrown an excessive amount of lemons and the amount of lemonade needed under those circumstances would quench the thirst of a small island nation...  Staying positive and learning to "roll with the punches" as a parent takes a lot of trial and error, patience, and the occasional glass of wine (if you're into that sort of thing).

So what can we do?  Regardless of the situation, how can we moms turn lemons into lemonade, gain the respect of our children, and go to bed knowing that we're doing a kickass job as a parent?

Avoid The Rage

Growing up, both of my parents were "yellers."  We knew when we'd done something wrong because they made sure that we HEARD their anger.  I love my parents a great deal, but a lot of my built-in behaviors from childhood stem from a certain amount of fear - Fear of their anger, fear of them screaming at me, fear of getting into trouble.  In fact, I still eat all of the food off of my plate at EVERY meal because of the built-in fear I have at leaving the table before I've cleaned my plate - it's a habit I just can't kick, even if it gives me a stomach ache.  It was one of my mother's biggest pet-peeves.

Now that I have a child of my own and another on the way, it's important to me that I avoid the "rage" that I remember from the house I grew up in.  When my son does something that frustrates me, I take a step back and reign in any anger before I address the issue.  I usually ask him to go to his room while I process my thoughts, and then go in to talk with him once I'm calm and collected.  Yes, occasionally I slip up and I might raise my voice a little - I'm not perfect and will never claim to be.

We are firm with our son and he knows that he has limits - but I make a conscious effort to establish those limits in a way that makes him look to me as someone he trusts and respects, not someone who should be feared.

Don't Expect Perfection

I think that most moms view their children as "perfect" when they're born - these adorable little creatures that are the physical representation of our love... But they aren't perfect.  They never will be.  It's unfair to hold our children to a standard of perfection that they will never come close to reaching.

Think back to your own childhood and all of the things that you did, knowing they were wrong or that you shouldn't be doing, yet you did them anyway... Yeah - you were a bad kid sometimes, huh?  It's only normal to expect that our kids will have those same impulses and will occasionally get into trouble for one thing or another.

It's our job as parents to guide our children and raise them with morals and values that will help them in their decision-making as they get older.  Teach your kids the difference between "fun" and "stupid" - let them know that their actions will have consequences.  Talk to them when they get into trouble and try to figure out what motivated them to do whatever it was they did so that it can be avoided in the future.

...and it must be said - don't hold yourself to perfection either.  We'll make mistakes as parents.  It's going to happen, whether you're a first-time mom or the mother of ten kids.  Don't beat yourself up if your make a mistake - just take it day by day and learn, along with your child, on how to set your boundaries and love each other to the fullest.

Be Consistent

When you're angry with your child over something they did or said, it's important that we moms are consistent in our discipline.  If we're wishy-washy and never follow through with consequences, our kids will never grow to respect our guidance and follow the rules of our homes. 

It's also really hard on you as parent to flip-flop the rules and constantly make exceptions - you'll grow just as confused as your kids are.  By creating a solid and firm set of guidelines for our kids to follow and raising our children to know what to expect from us, we're going to save ourselves A LOT of headaches.

Consistency also needs to exist between mom and dad - having a different set of rules depending on which parent is home is NOT healthy.  I know this because that's how it was in my house.  This gave my sisters and I the chance to "get away" with things and avoid the consequences - we worked the system and took advantage of it whenever we could.  Communication between parents is key here - don't let the problem spiral out of control.